Dear Ms Thang,
I saw you swaggering through town this morning. You stuck out like a sore thumb because everyone was dressed professionally and you... were not. Your jeans and top are cute. However... Did you actually look in a full length mirror today? I can see your failure of a belly ring. a very green bra, underwear and your tramp stamp. Why? Because although you may have looked *good* wearing that outfit in high school, you have put on a few pounds (like we all do) and need to do just 1 little thing. Buy the next size up. That's it. Buy an 8 instead of a 6. It will do WONDERS for your appearance. You wont look like a hawt mess, but actually, probably hawt. I promise. It will also go a long way towards helping me not go blind. Thanks.
Moral of the letter: just cause you can get it on, and button/zip it, doesn't mean you should.