Friday, September 24, 2010

Thing that piss me off: Bug Edition

Let the word out.
If you are a bug, your ass is dead if you come near me. Especially if your a f&%$ing stink bug.
I am the bug assassin. If your a bug? "I keel you!!" (jeff dunham ref)

I have been ignoring the little bastards for like a week. I hate them. They are the creepiest f&%$ing bug I have ever seen. Last year I was stalked by one in my house. There was about 3 hanging out in my room at moms... We kept our distance. But they freak me out.
Well I noticed 4 in the bedroom at my house.
I noticed them because when I sent julia in there on a time out from teasing the dog, she laid in the bed, crying that were "scary bugs everywhere." I made her serve her time out on the chair in the living room. I never got to deal with them because the flash storm rolled in and knocked out power to half of the south hills area for like 12 hours.

Today, when I walked into that bedroom to close the open window because the air was on, I was STUNNED. I counted 13.
Oh. Hell. No.

This shit was ON now! I whipped out the vacuum, put the attachments on the hose and let out a battle cry. Well... I cursed at them a lot. As I sucked them up, I started enjoying the satisfying little "thwak" they made. Hehehe DIE bitches DIE.....

Anyway. That open window had a gap in the screen. When I pulled the mini blind up there was a f&%$ing parade of the effers heading to that gap in the screen. I think I muttered the words "I dont think so assholes." as I wacked the screen. And there was WAY more than 13 in the Bissel at this point. I stopped counting at 25 dead. I sucked every single one up. Behind the dresser (its in front of the window), the walls, the window sill... Then I covered the end of the hose to be sure they were all suffering a horrible suffocating death for terrorizing my kid. ( and me at night when I'm trying to sleep) I closed the window real tight and stalked the last couple that escaped the bedroom. I ran the sweeper on the carpet to add to their misery if any were still living.

I went to moms, and repeated the same process in my room... Discovering there was like 8 or so more. I am pretty sure by then I was shouting shit like "I am the assassin!" "F&%$ you bug." "DIE" "You can run but I will get you!!!" "Who is the bad ass bitch with the bissel??!!" "Let me hear your little screams!!"
I ran the sweeper on the carpet on 2 floors to ensure their miserable deaths. And I flushed one tonight that had snuck in to my bathroom to hide. I enjoyed the drowning. Bastards.

I killed almost 40 of those f&%$ers today. The catch? I have the same model bag-less bissel at both houses. And the containers will need emptied at some point....

Friday, September 17, 2010

Things I would like to do

I am not calling this a bucket list... too f&%$ing cliche.... Its just a list of things I would like to do in the next 12 months.

  • Go to the Ocean. 
  • Go to see Falling Water
  • Go to a Penguins Game at the CEC (I will sell my kid for a ticket.... just kidding. maybe.)
  • Go to a Haunted House and actually get scared, Scare House maybe? I am so freaking jaded that the last haunted house I went too my heart didn't even race a little bit.
  • Go to Karaoke and actually sing. Nothing scares me more than singing in front of people. I am working on planning a Twitter Karaoke night. Soon.
  • Go to Kennywood for phantom fright nights with out a kid in tow so I can ride the coasters in the dark and really get a rush.
Okay... I think that is a start. Some of these would work better to have someone (or a group) to do it with. But if I go it alone... then so be it.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Getting my Inner Bitch on

I am still on vacation... but there are a few things I would like to get off my chest.

First, the foremost thing on my mind... When the HELL is the West End Circle makeover gonna be done?? For the love of GAWD. Put the switch plates, cabinet handles and socket covers ON and call the Realtor!! (house flipper reference) Jez. And what ever they did with that damn light coming from the Main St. Ramp? It is TOO LONG now. Fix it.

I took Julia to Erie at the beginning of my vacation to play in splash lagoon and then a beach on Presque Isle the next day. Two things stand out that annoyed me.

First: Signs. I don't know if it is an Erie thing or what, but all the damn signs were small or 27 feet from the road!! While Google Navigation is yelling at me to make a U turn, I can't see the hotel sign in the dark, pouring rain cause its HIDDEN behind the Shell Station at the curb. And the hotel is set WAY back off the road. This happened with Splash Lagoon too. I passed it, looking for a sign along the ROAD, not right up against the building.
It's not like that here. Signs are along the damn road.
For about 30 minutes at the beach I thought Erie would be a nice place to live. Then I remembered how f&%$ing cold it gets and how much snow they get and I changed my mind.

Shit... all that bitching and I forget what number 2 is.... must have been the snow. Snow definitely pisses me off. Well I reserve the right to revisit this should I ever remember what was.

Some Other things that piss me off

My car hates Sams Club gas, I swear I put the good stuff in right before I left to come home an I have some horrific gas mileage ratio for this current tank.

Local Radio: OMG PLEASE there are LOTS of other songs NOT by Katy {fake} Perry, Keeeesha {the skank} or John {the whiner} Mayer. Please play some of those songs. My non hate of radio lasted all of 3 months. I am sick of it. Also DVE can take some pointers from Erie's version of them (102.3 I think) and note how they play all kinds of classic and new rock with out sucking or killing me with the same Ozzy song billed as "new" for 8 months.

Those creepy "stink bugs" that are f&%$in invading my room. Whats the best way to get rid of them?? Please??

Now Things I Heart:
I heart Google Navigation. I would have never done that trip on my own w a kid without some GPS in the house. Especially in the dark. Pouring rain. In a city that hides signs. There was no epic fails, minor ones, but no epic ones because of my awesome droid inc.

Pandora Radio cause I can refuse to hear any of the previously mentioned crap above that I am sick to death of hearing.

And Finally,
I heart all my twitter (and some real life) friends. For totally being here for me and sticking with me through the ups and downs the last few months. I mean that. Without you guys and gals.... I can never say thank you enough.