Criminals Failing at Technology

Today at lunch, I read an article about crime and how Facebook, twitter, etc can be used against you.

IF YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

The article on USAToday :  Facebook, MySpace social media musings used in court cases

Now, not all the idiots are criminals... My FAVORITE line is this :

...federal prosecutors alleged that a Hells Angels member threatened a witness via a Facebook "poke" — a trivial Facebook communications technique...

HAHAHAHAHA

Thankfully, SOMEONE was smart enough to realize how much of nothing a standard "poke" is on fb.

 Federal prosecutors were not as successful with claims that a Facebook "poke" was an instance of threatening intimidation. They urged a judge to revoke the parole of a Hells Angel member, but the judge refused.

Now, if it had been a "super poke," they could have "thrown a cupcake at..." and this would be a whole different ballgame. #Snickering

My personal opinion is that if you still use MYSPACE in 2011 to organize your GANG? You are a failure as a GROUP.

Yes. you read that correctly.

In a July 2011 trial of Wolf Pack gang members, accused of terrorizing a Rochester neighborhood and violently chasing away drug-dealing competitors, federal prosecutors used MySpace postings to prove that the accused were part of a loosely knit gang.

I know!! MYSPACE... HAHAHA Did they all have AOL accounts too???
Glad you were all busted, LOSERS.


As a reminder, Posting to anything publicly is like talking to a crowded room. Post wisely, or lock it all down private. Even then... Think before you type. I don't want to make fun of you on my blog.

Black Friday Idiots

I never ever shop on Black Friday. There is always a riot at a walmart over electronics. The traffic is insane.. At $3.09 a gallon my ass is sitting in the chair, shopping at Amazon. Srsly.
Finally... The people are NUTS.
Per the PG:
Shoppers head to the stores early

The first shopper at the North Hills Village Mall Best Buy appeared at noon Thursday for the can-you-believe-it deals that have become as expected this time of year as turkey. At least 300 people had joined nearly four hours later.
Nearby, a crowd of at least 600 people stood outside the North Hills Village Target.

REALLY??? WTF is wrong with people. Don't you spend 1 damn day with your family?? Huh? 1!!

Shoppers pitched tents to brave the rain or stood near store-supplied propane heaters to stay warm in the early hours this morning

You know what I call that? Fuckin.... Nuts.

Its cold. Raining. IT'S THANKSGIVING. Stay Home.

 

And in the "I can't make this shit up!" Column:

 

USA Today: "Facebook jealousy sparks asthma attacks in dumped boy"

 

Before I go ANY farther.... WHY THE HELL IS THIS NEWS?????

Are you EFFING kidding me? My brain actually hurts from reading JUST the headline. SRSLY.

Whats next? 

"Pirates Players discover other teams win with low payroll and drink themselves in to comas"?

"OchoCinco realizes he will never see a Superbowl ring and end-zone dances himself in to traffic"?

"Anger over repeated threats for bus service cuts sparks Riders to beat management senseless"

 Oh wait... that last one could happen.... Heh.

I can't even quote the article. The whole story is completely absurd. It makes me so mad I want to spork the AP for even publishing this story ANYWHERE.

Stupid Hall Of Fame: Wedding Edition

Welcome to the Wedding edition of Stupid Hall Of Fame. Courtesy of USA Today's Offbeat section. (msnbc moved all their shit around and now I can't find their weird news.)

All Aboard the WTF Train:::

Sometimes, if you have friends like these... you don't need enemies...


Wash. bride arrested for DUI on her wedding day 

BELLEVUE, Wash. (AP) — A 31-year-old bride heading home from her bachelorette party was arrested for drunken driving hours before she was to get married.

Washington State Patrol Trooper Christina Martin says the woman was driving over 90 mph Saturday morning and weaving in and out of traffic on Interstate 405 in Bellevue when she was stopped.

Ok... So... WHO are the BAD bridesmaids that let the bride DRIVE DRUNK from her bachelorette party. Lucky for her ass... she made it to the wedding... Srsly though? That is an #EPICFAIL of her bridal party...

Who was like "Eff her, she can find her own damn way home." How do you *not* have a designated driver for the damn bride? The NIGHT BEFORE the wedding? People still do that the night before? Who the HELL wants a hangover, little sleep and then get married the NEXT MORNING? I guess its the same Idiots who let the bride leave her own party PLASTERED.

Continuing with the wedding theme on the WTF train... Watch my head explode with confusion and amazement:

Pa. man gets drug case hearing, then wedding.

EASTON, Pa. (AP) — The bride wore a gray suit. The groom wore a prison jumpsuit — and handcuffs.

And a Pennsylvania judge was doing double-duty after having just handled proceedings in the groom's drug case.

Northampton County prison inmate Franklin Barndt and Takesha Piazza were married Friday after he tried to have evidence against him dismissed in a cocaine case. Defense attorney Gary Asteak said he hatched the idea after seeing Piazza in the courtroom.

Judge Leonard Zito said he had never gotten such a request before, but "we're a full-service court." And when Zito asked whether anyone knew any reason why the marriage shouldn't proceed, the three-year mandatory minimum sentence that Barndt faces if convicted didn't come up.
The pair even managed to exchange a kiss over the objections of prosecutor Michele Kluk.

I can't even BEGIN to make shit up this good. Bet the wedding photos RAWK. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear the story about how mommy got married to daddy and then 3 years later they actually got to see each other with out bars, plate glass and prison guards. What kind of anniversary presents will they exchange?
Money in his commissary account?
Home made his and her shanks??
Candle light dinners chaperoned by the Parole Officer?

Final stop on the WTF train is Tokyo. There is a 2 min video with this one if you follow the link...

I-Fairy robot weds Tokyo couple in tinny voice

The nuptials at this ceremony were led by "I-Fairy," a 4-foot tall seated robot with flashing eyes and plastic pigtails. Sunday's wedding was the first time a marriage had been led by a robot, according to manufacturer Kokoro Co.

Really... I'm tired of the whole "Lets {insert ridiculous idea here} for our wedding. It's {yawn} and over used. Its fine to be unique. Its another thing to have a $70,000 robot that requires a person to punch in the commands to marry you.

....Wires led out from beneath it to a black curtain a few feet away, where a man crouched and clicked commands into a computer.

 "It would be nice if the robot was a bit more clever, but she is very good at expressing herself," said new husband Tomohiro Shibata, 42, a professor of robotics at the Nara Institute of Science and Technology in central Japan.

The I-Fairy sells for about 6.3 million yen ($68,000) and three are in use in Singapore, the U.S. and Japan, according to company spokeswoman Kayako Kido. It has 18 degrees of motion in its arms, and mainly repeats preprogrammed movements and sounds.

HEY!! If you want clever? GET A HUMAN TO MARRY YOU. Come on! This stupid thing doesn't even stand on its own!! I can put a wreath of flowers on one of those damn idogs. It barks,  runs around,  fuckin rolls over... Its a lot cheaper and funnier to see a robot dog go nuts "marrying" a couple...

My brain hurts.

SnOMFG! I am SICK of SNOW!!!

I swear to god, I have **HAD** it with snow.

We have MORE snow than freaking Alaska!!! Thats just WRONG.
I saw these tweets from Jeff Verszyla ( @verz) Friday night. He is Kdka's weather man. (that I love cause he tweets me back):

Snowapalooza stats...feb 5-26...13 days w/ measurable snow, snow total = 42.2
(in 3 weeks!)...avg high = 34 (normal hi is 41) about 9 hours ago via web

AND Later in the evening:

Ready 2 close snow shop for business 2day...latest total for feb 2010,
46.6...total for season 73.8"...please stop, now! about 2 hours ago via web

*headdesk*

I am sick of the "death grip on the steering wheel" drive this month or the near death experience of sliding across route 228 because despite the heavy traffic on the road... it SUCKS every. single. time. it snows. I saw 4 accidents on the way home tonight on 79 & 279.

I think we should be grateful that PennDOT put up all those weird little bars, with and with out the cables along 79 and 279. I predict that when the snow melts, FINALLY, that we will see how many cross over accidents they prevented due to this Shitty, Stupid, F&%$ing Snow.

I *promise* that when its humid and 90 in a couple months, you wont hear a PEEP of complaints from me.
Why?
CAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOVEL HUMIDITY. Or Heat.
Or scrape it off your car, or fall in it and get dirty wet snow all over you. Or skid and slide the whole way home from work.
Cause dumb people wont stop in the middle of the highway (asshole) because its TOO SUNNY. (I didn't make that up.)
Proof that really happened from the PG:

"At least she wasn't texting" Feb 12, 2010

From the Beaver County Times: Since the snow started falling last Friday, local emergency officials have sent a consistent message: If you don’t have to go out on the roads, or you’re afraid of driving in the snow, just stay home. PennDOT spokesman Jim Struzzi said the best example why officials have been urging that happened shortly after 9 a.m. Wednesday. As the heavy snow was winding down, a woman was driving a small car in the right lane on I-376 in Robinson Township, near the off-ramp leading to The Pointe at North Fayette and Robinson Town Centre.

Struzzi said the woman, who wasn’t named, apparently became frightened because of the poor road conditions and didn’t want to drive anymore, so she simply stopped her car in the right lane.
That created problems for other motorists who were sliding on slush to get around the woman, Struzzi said. PennDOT crews saw the car on surveillance cameras and sent out a member of the agency’s Parkway Service Patrol to help the woman.

Struzzi said that when a member of the patrol arrived, they found the woman sitting in her car, reading a book, waiting for storm conditions to improve.

That's right kids, read that again.... SHE WAS READING A BOOK ON THE HIGHWAY. I think my brain wants to implode. What makes a person think that it is SAFE to stop in the MIDDLE of the highway EVER, and throw it in park??? And THEN whip out a book!!!???
I would love to find that lady and CLUB her in the head with that f&%$ing book. She is too stupid to be allowed to drive. Or even breathe. The highways have a shoulder to pull over on for a reason for goodness sake.

Btw, I disabled Anonymous comments on my blog because people were calling me racist and a coward over a sarcastic guest post from a reader, but were too much a coward to IDENTIFY themselves.
SO, F&%$ You. You want to call me names in comments??? OWN UP TO IT. BITCH.

Stupid Hall of Fame: Moron Edition

***Now I know there are some dire happenings in Haiti right now. You can head over to That's Church for those updates on current efforts. I am just here to provide some amusement and escape from all seriousness***

I know all 47 of my fans have missed Stupid Hall Of Fame updates... So, I have a good one for you today.

From the PG
Hairdresser sentenced for shooting dissatisfied customer

Now normally, if you don't like your hair, you get it re cut, or a refund... but apparently something went horribly wrong here. The most important part of this story is the defense.

A Washington County hairstylist who claims she didn't know a .38-caliber handgun was a "deadly weapon" will spend five to 20 years in prison for shooting a dissatisfied client in the lower back.
Ms. Reed says she fired two shots because the Ms. Newton sisters jumped her and didn't realize "a .38-caliber could be considered a deadly weapon."

WHAT!! You SHOT a person. With a GUN. With REAL bullets. What the F*&% did you think was going to happen!!?? Who let this bitch buy a gun and convince her it was a f*&%ing Nerf gun that shot sunshine???
Nobody.
Cause at the end of the article, she proves to everyone that she isn't that dumb by saying this:

Ms. Reed told the judge who sentenced her yesterday, "That .38-caliber didn't even take her down."

Really? That is relevant how? You still shot her you idiot. So, to be clear everyone:: You can KILL people with guns that shoot REAL bullets. They are DEADLY WEAPONS.
OK?
Good.

From MSNBC, (whom I have missed using for countless stupid hall of fame posts since I started working these crazy ass hours.)

Woman charged in McDonald’s rampage
She’s accused of trashing the restaurant because of a burger problem

In the video, which has been viewed hundreds of thousands of times online, a customer is seen throwing a sign and a water dispenser over a counter and pushing three cash registers to the floor.

OK. OK. I know this seems TOTALLY insane, but how about nicely ASKING for them to remake it the right way?? I know this shit works. But maybe I am the crazy one.... Second, maybe its a BAD idea to wreak the restaurant with a CAMERA aimed right at you!

On Tuesday, the Jackson County prosecutor's office charged 19-year-old Alesha McMullen of Kansas City with Class D felony property damage. Police say McMullen told officers her order was prepared wrong and the restaurant refused to give her a refund.

So, you trashed the McDonald's over about $5? Really? That angry, that you will now spend HUNDREDS in fines, court costs, a lawyer and restitution? You have a PROBLEM then. You need some damn Prozac or anger management or something to CALM your ass down. SRSLY.

And not to be outdone, Here comes the winner for Worst Parent of the Month:

Police: Conn. mom left kids in car while tanning

I didn't even read the story before I said "WHAT THE F*&% is wrong with that bitch!?" Connecticut in January?? Clearly the tanning bed burnt ALL her brain cells away.

ENFIELD, Conn. - Police in Connecticut say 28-year-old mother (Candy Ann Rock) is charged with leaving her two young children in her car in freezing temperatures while she went tanning in a salon.
Enfield Police Chief Carl Sferrazza told the Journal Inquirer that Rock left her two children — ages 3 and just under 1 year — in the parked car, which was not running, for 18 minutes during her tanning session at about 9 a.m. Monday. He said weather reports showed the wind chill was 19 degrees at the time.

Thank GOODNESS the kids were OK. But OMFG! Really? 19 degrees and you thought it was OK to just leave them in there?? Really? SRSLY? I think my brain might explode. I want to punch her in the head for leaving a BABY and Toddler ALONE, in the car, EVER. At 28, she should be smarter than a rock. I swear I hope they take those kids away. Or she drowns in a puddle tanning lotion.

Yes, her name is Candy Rock. Awesome.

Stupid Hall of Fame: October

I love to showcase the fact the some people should never be allowed to drink on this blog. Its been a while since we had a SHoF Post... so enjoy:

From my favorite site MSNBC:

Cops: Drunk 21-year-old steals ambulance

LAWRENCE, Kan. - Police in the Kansas college town of Lawrence say they
have arrested a 21-year-old man who stole an ambulance to get home after a night
of drinking.

Apparently, there wasn't a tractor or a cab or ANY OTHER vehicle near by. Walking was just out of the question.

Lawrence Police Sgt. Susan Hadl says the ambulance crew parked it early
Sunday while responding to a medical emergency in an area filled with bars
and specialty shops. Hadl says the man was intoxicated and believed he had no other way home.

Nice. Steal the ambulance when its needed most. That's a WIN. Clearly the kid either had too much to drink or was just incredibly dumb. In either case- he is still a loser.

From the Stupid Criminal Files over at Yahoo Odd News:

Police say newlyweds robbed chapel after wedding

SEVIERVILLE, Tenn. – Police said two Campbell County newlyweds were arrested on their wedding night for burglarizing the Sevierville chapel where they were married.

WATE-TV reported that Brian Dykes and Mindy McGhee were married Wednesday at the Angel's View Wedding Chapel at the Black Bear Ridge Resort. Following the wedding, the couple rented a cabin at the resort. According to the Sevier County Sheriff, an employee noticed the couple's car back outside the chapel around 1 a.m. and lockbox with cash was missing.

Deputies found the couple at a restaurant, where they confessed and turned over the missing $500. They are being held in jail on bonds of $10,000.

Sooooo, maybe robbing a church is a BAD BAD idea. First, its a CHURCH. Second, its a CHURCH. Exactly how much cash did they think they were gonna get? Really? This isn't a BANK! You needed to stay in the resort THAT BAD?

Which one of those idiots came up with the idea and which one agreed to it? Srsly? Two idiots made for each other right there. And the best part? $10,000 bond on a $500 theft. KARMA. Happy honeymoon, you morons.

And Finally...This woman... Well, lets just say some people should not have kids and this is why:

Police: Girl, 13, rode in cardboard box atop van
Mom allegedly said that's OK — coat hanger held it down

I am not making that shit up! She totally wins the Worst Parent of the Month Award for October.

ALBERTVILLE, Ala. - A woman has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child after she let her daughter ride in a cardboard box on top of their van, police said.
Albertville Police spokesman Sgt. Jamie Smith said the 37-year-old Alabama woman was arrested Sunday after police received a call about a minivan on a state highway with a child riding on top, The Huntsville Times reported.

Smith said the woman told police the box was too big to go inside the van, and that her daughter was inside the box to hold it down. Smith said the mother told officers it was safe because she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger.

The 13-year-old daughter wasn't harmed and was turned over to a relative. A jail worker said the mother was out on bond Monday.

THE STATE HIGHWAY?? WTF?! Are you serious? Their highway speed is what? 75? Thank God Mom used a f&%$ing COAT HANGER to hold it down! Yes. Read that again in case your head didn't explode the first time. I'll help you:

Smith said the mother told officers it was safe because she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger.

If the f&%$ing box was SO secure-- WHY in the hell was her kid RIDING in it??? Your honor? I motion that this mother never be allowed to reproduce again. Her Stupid Genes will kill off humanity if we allow it to spread further.

Go pick your brains up from all over the floor now.

Idiot Adventures In Parking

I was at Sam's club the other day when I saw parking retardness at its best. (Yes, I made that word up, it's my blog.)

This is how *this* Handicapped space should be used:

This is How NOT to use it:
The Buick on the right there with the door open? It was halfway out into the aisle. You could NOT drive around it. Realistically, there was plenty of room either side of the stupid Cavalier for that moron to park and not BLOCK the f&%$ing road. That's a van accessible space. It's f&%$ing HUGE.

And to the driver of the Cavalier- HELLO if you couldn't see the f&%$ing lines then you shouldn't be driving. At least have enough brains to re-park your car when you realized just how bad you f&%$ed up that parking job.

Then I spotted this gem of an idiot on the way out of Sam's Club:

Right outside the exit door. There is a HUGE BAY on the right of this picture where this moron could have parked, instead of 10 feet from the exit where I almost walking into your f&%$ing car. If you needed and handicapped spot:

SEE PLENTY OF SPOTS- just in the aisle we were parked in. And, as you can see the bay was empty too. I hate bad drivers. I hate idiot drivers. And finally, proof that they are everywhere and come in all ages:
This idiot was half on the regular driveway and half on the gravel extension. And he almost fell while getting out of his car.

Moron.

Gamblers are so dumb

So, I am watching KDKA NOON news today and the casino reporter says ::

"We tried to interview people for our story and they kept hiding from us. When we were finally able to ask them why, they said they called off work and were avoiding their bosses!"

HELLO! Dumb asses!! The CASINO IS OPEN 24 F&%$ING HOURS A DAY. You can go AFTER WORK. It will still be there. I know what a f&%$ing concept- going somewhere after work. I never gamble (losing money pisses me off since i don't have money to piss away like it's nothing.) and even I know its open 24 hours. Have you never seen the show Las Vegas?

I hope you don't win a f&%$in thing for being that dumb.

And for the people who did interview. Listen, If you don't like the machine cause its newer than the "ones at the meadows...." Then GET OFF YOUR ASS and drive to the meadows and play. Quit bitching about how your losing all your money and you don't like the machines if your going to keep dumping money IN THE damn machine!!!

BTW, The purpose of a casino is to TAKE YOUR MONEY. Not for you to win it all. Don't forget that. Sometimes you'll win, but odds are, most of the time you will LOSE.

Odds N Ends

I know.... there is a list out there of non violent things that should get you sent straight to hell. I am pretty sure.... this is one of them:

Cops: Woman takes kneeling woman's cash in church

WESTBURY, N.Y. – Nassau County police said a congregant at a Long Island church disregarded at least one of its commandments: Thou shalt not steal. Police said the 46-year-old woman reached over a pew and took cash from a purse while its owner knelt Sunday at Our Lady of Hope Roman Catholic Church in Westbury. Police said an usher saw the theft, and officers stopped the woman as she left the church.

Police said they determined the same woman stole cash from another worshipper's purse while that victim took communion May 10.

The woman has been released on an appearance ticket after being arrested on petty larceny charges. She faces up to a year in jail if convicted.

Stealing in the church? Twice? Jez, that takes BALLS and stupidity. With sweet baby Jesus (shout out to will farrell) looking on, a church full of worshipers, ushers and clergy?
"When was your last confession?"
"2 weeks ago"
"Tell me your sins" or what ever it is they say... I'm not catholic.
"I just stole money from another lady's purse. "
"What?"

I never thought Cheetos were dangerous. I am still trying to figure out how they became a weapon....

Couple accused of assault using Cheetos

SHELBYVILLE, Tenn. - Authorities say a Tennessee couple got into a fight using Cheetos.

The Bedford County Sheriff's Department say a 40-year-old man and 44-year-old woman became involved in a "verbal altercation." Somehow, the orange puffy snacks were used in the assault.

Deputies say they were charged with domestic assault. No one was hurt.

So, then HOW was someone assaulted with the damn Cheetos? I need to know. Cause if someone breaks into my house and all I have are Cheetos, I want to be able to whoop some criminal's ass with them. Damn it!
Here is the dumbest thief in Germany:

Thief nabbed selling stolen mower to owner

BERLIN (Reuters) – A thief in Germany was arrested after he tried to sell a garden mower online to the man he had stolen it from, police said Wednesday.

"The owner went to inspect the goods and recognized the mower as his own," said a spokesman for police in the southern town of Tuebingen. "Then he left and told police."

Officers confronted the 46-year-old suspect, who confessed to stealing the mower from a shed in February. He later put it for sale on internet auction site eBay, the spokesman said.

Note to self... don't sell stolen shit online and in the same area where YOU STOLE IT FROM.

To close out the month: The Worst Parent of the Month award goes too:

Woman pleads guilty in drunken breast-feeding case

GRAND FORKS, N.D. – A North Dakota woman accused of breast-feeding her 6-week-old baby while drunk has pleaded guilty to child neglect. Stacey Anvarinia, 36, could face up to five years in prison when she's sentenced on the felony charge in August.

Judge Sonja Clapp says Anvarinia will not have to register as an offender against children.

Police officers who responded to a domestic disturbance call at Anvarinia's home on April 13 say they saw an intoxicated Anvarinia breast feeding. Health officials say alcohol consumed by breast-feeding mothers can be absorbed into an infant's system.

Attorneys believe it's the first such case prosecuted in North Dakota

Wonderful. Some people need smacked in the head and their reproductive organs taken away She is one of them.

Odds and Ends

***I found this post sitting in my Drafts folder from 3/26. I still think its funny, so I am posting it as-is. ***


Here is a headline you don't see everyday:

Wife of Pirates prospect arrested for kidnapping

Me: Hey look, the Pirates are in the news!

And proof that sometimes it's better to stay home and wack off to internet porn if your that hard up:
This is the *real* headline from MSNBC:

Man caught in vacuum sex act gets 90 days

A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in prison. Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing.

And that's all I really want to know.

Public Service Announcment

Every couple months I try to do what I call a public service announcement. Its a friendly and hopefully informative reminder to those online that what you see is not always what you get.

From MSNBC Red Tape Chronicles:
Red Tape: Why phishers love Facebook

Didn’t you know? Facebook is forever ‘Forgot your password?’ may be weakest linkFacebook ID theft targets 'friends'


And jez, From "Sometimes you should put the damn phone DOWN" files:

Holy Twitter! Tweeting from the pews

From Pc World:Facebook Updates: What Kind Do You Write?

These articles are some of the reasons why I don't do quizzes, "500 things about me you wish you still didn't know" notes or add just ANY application sent to me by another user. I am an equal opportunity ignorer (yes, I made that word up). I don't care about who the sender is at all. I promise. :-) I never did live journal or blog about deeply personal matters. I just like to keep some things... private.

I am online. I have been for years with various pages going back to Lycos and Tripod (remember them? then your old too hahaha). However, unlike some people out there, I don't reveal *every* single thing about my life. I don't find it that important to post a facebook status saying "I have to pee." "I have cramps" or other nonsense like this. (you know who you are Miss T.M.I.) I will unfollow you on twitter if there is nothing interesting said other than something like: "woke up. went to work" all the time. Don't be offended. I am trying to keep my twitter flow uncluttered.

I try to make posting worth while or interesting on facebook, twitter or this blog. I'm satisfied that maybe 30 people read my blog cause this is all for fun. And this is my place to say all the shit I want when I need to rant. So, if this post helps just 1 reader not fall victim to these dirtbags, then it is worth it.

Now back to your regularly scheduled ranting.

Stupid Hall of Fame: Moron Edition

Alas, here is another edition of proof that Natural Selection no longer affects humanity like it should:

From AP/Yahoo news

NJ man charged in police station restroom rampage

GLOUCESTER TOWNSHIP, N.J. – A South Jersey man is in a mess of trouble for
allegedly making a mess inside a police station. Police said 24-year-old Jason Detora was at the station early Sunday with his girlfriend, 22-year-old Nicole Leadbeater, who'd been arrested for driving under the influence. She'd gone to pick him up at a bar where he couldn't pay his bill.

Police said Detora went into the men's room, defecated on the floor, smeared feces on the walls and set fire to paper towels and toilet paper. Detora was being held at the Camden County Jail on arson and criminal mischief charges.

Hey dumb ass... Uh.... did you not realize they could figure out WHO did it since you were IN THE POLICE STATION? Apparently, the girlfriend is no smarter since she was picked up on a DUI while picking up the moron boyfriend of hers from the bar.

Apparently we need to start teaching people when it is appropriate to call 911 and when it isn't. Lesson 1: This is not a reason to call 911.

Man calls 911 over 28-year-old son's messy bedroom (AP)

BEDFORD, Ohio – An Ohio man who argued with his grown son over a messy bedroom said he overreacted when he called 911. Andrew Mizsak called authorities Thursday after his 28-year-old son — who's a school board member in the Cleveland suburb of Bedford — threw a plate of food across the kitchen table and made a fist at him when told to clean his room. The son, also named Andrew, lives in a room in his parents' basement.
The father declined to press charges and told police he doesn't want to ruin his son's political career.
The son, who also works as a political consultant, said he's lucky to be living in the house rent free. He also promises to keep his room clean.

Yeah... I imagine this kid doesn't have a shot at a political career living in the BASEMENT of his parent house at *28 years old*. If at 28, you can't keep your room decent or live on your own... I'm not voting for you. Really dude, what office are you running for? Mayor of Star Trek, Star Wars or Hogwarts? Some dumb people and their kids...

And finally, proof that some people should not be allowed to breathe (or at least, that if it wasn't a reflex they wouldn't remember to do it):

Cops: Driver was under influence of bowl of cereal (AP)

NEEDHAM, Mass. – A Massachusetts man may wish he had breakfast in bed instead of in his car. Police said a man who was stopped for erratic driving on Central Avenue last week was eating a bowl of cereal and milk while he drove. He told officers he was hungry.
Lt. John Schlittler told The Boston Globe that the 48-year-old man, whose name was not released, was also driving with an expired license. The man has been cited for unlicensed operation, failure to stay in lanes and operating to endanger.
Schlittler didn't know what kind of cereal the driver was eating.

I am still trying to figure out how someone this dumb lived to be 48. 48!!! Eating cereal WHILE driving on an EXPIRED license??!! I can't make this shit up! My brain can't comprehend the level of stupid required to eat a bowl of cereal while driving. This is Dumbass to th 10th power.

I think this guy wins The Stupid Hall of Fame Award for this Month.
Really.

Stupid Hall of Fame : Pittsburgh Edition

I am always finding dumb shit around the world. Well today, here is the dumb shit around Pittsburgh for ya... :-)

From WTAE:
Oops! False Burglar Alarm Brings Cops To Marijuana House
(story summary)

PITTSBURGH - Police found no intruders when they responded to a call about a burglar alarm in Pittsburgh's Beechview neighborhood -- but they did find a whole lot of drugs.
Downstairs, officers were met in the foyer by Jamar Bey, 33, of Beltzhoover, who they said told them that the home belongs to his girlfriend but he often stays there.
Bey said the marijuana was his and he did not want his girlfriend to be implicated, police said.
While police were still at the home, Bey's girlfriend arrived. They said she told them that she was trying to get children out of the house and must have somehow set the alarm off.
Police said they removed 265 marijuana plants from the home and that more people could be facing charges.

I think the award should go to her for not making sure the alarm wasn't tripped before leaving the house with 256 illegal marijuana plants. Second, How do you have kids living the the same house with that many marijuana plants!!?? I will give the criminal the props though. Mr. Bey at least took the blame like a man.

From the Police Blotter on the PG:
West Police Blotter

• Michael Rouse, 19, of Homewood, was charged April 22 with retail theft after he walked out of Giant Eagle in Kennedy Center with a basket full of items without paying for them.

I guess he thought they wouldn't notice him. He was invisible that day....

• Amy Louise Pannier, 38, of Neville, was charged last Thursday with harassment, institutional vandalism, criminal trespass, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, public drunkenness and aggravated assault on a police officer.

The charges were filed after she wandered into the Heidelberg Volunteer Fire Department on First Street in an intoxicated state and asked for money.

She was hostile to police, became violent and attempted to run when informed she would be charged with public drunkenness. She also tried to spit, punch and hit a police officer.

Another reason why not everyone should get their drunk on. I guess she couldn't tell the difference between a bank and a fire station... Only an idiot would try to assault a police officer in the VFD.

and finally.... I know its not in Pittsburgh...

However, I could NOT pass this one up though... HILARIOUS!

Man Mistakes Musical Card For Noisy Neighbors

BERLIN -- German police said an (82 yr old) elderly man was so annoyed at hearing the same serenade over and over that he called authorities to report his neighbors -- only to discover the culprit was a musical greeting card on his own windowsill.

I only have one thing to say here: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Omg is that hilarious.

Upon further investigation, police found the musical greeting card on his windowsill, where occasional breezes opened the card just enough to play an irritating tune. Police said the retiree was happy to find out his neighbors weren't trying to annoy him.

sorry, I am still laughing.....

Strange Sightings

I call these pics Parking Failure at its finest.

This was spotted at Sam's Club in West Mifflin this afternoon:


I just HAD to take these pics. I don't care who saw me, beause the driver of this car should be shamed and embarrassed. Despite the *enormous* size of the Handicap parallel space, this car was still 3/4ths of the way out of the spot as if it was pulling out.



I would love to know what made this driver think the car was parked properly. If this is how they park, one can only imagine how badly they drive! This is clearly an epic fail at parking.

Proof Idiots are *everywhere*

I saw this story and just HAD to comment. I would have posted my comment on twitter... alas I can't squeeze all my wit and sarcasm in to 140 characters.

From KDKA online :
Is Social Networking Spreading Misinformation?

Kenneth Pickett is 38; manages a store in Wicker Park, and gets much of his news from social networking sites.
On sites like Twitter, 140 character messages deliver the latest news and opinions in shorthand to users hanging on every word.

"When I read it and I look at the news, I already know about it because I Twittered," said Chicagoan Susan Alvarez.

Alvarez says her main source of information is Twitter and she believes what she reads on it.

If you get ALL your news from Twitter... In the words of Red Foreman: Your a dumb ass.
If that offends you and then you don't have to follow me.
I want to get Susan Alvarez to become one of my followers and then twitter that the world is flat, the British are coming, and zombies are real. Just to see if she believes me. Twitter makes me go look at the news sites like MSNBC and such. Twitter should never be considered news gospel.

Remember, pic's can be fakes, twitters can be lies. And stop being so damn STUPID.

Stupid Hall of Fame

Today I have a reason for not letting stupid people drink and a tie for Horrible Parent of the Month...
From MSNBC:
Man pretending to fall off bridge actually falls

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. – Police said a 23-year-old man is in stable condition after he pretended that he was falling off a bridge over the Minnesota River, then actually fell off the bridge. Police got a call just before 5 a.m. Sunday from a 21-year-old man who said his friend fell off the Highway 77 bridge and into a marshy area about 30 feet below.

The caller said he was driving north when his friend, who he said had been drinking, told him to pull into the bridge's emergency lane so he could urinate.

The 23-year-old stood eventually climbed to the ledge of the bridge, then looked at his friend and pretended to fall. "He then in fact fell," reads a press release from the Bloomington Police Department.

Police from Bloomington and Eagan responded, and the Eagan Fire Department used a chair lift to retrieve the man. He was transported to Hennepin County Medical Center where was treated.

Natural Selection should have weeded this moron out. Personally, he should be billed for what it cost to rescue his dumb ass. Note to Self: Pretending to fall off a bridge is NEVER a good idea.
And for the Horrible Parent(s) of the month, we have a tie:

Parents accused of taking children on burglary

Prosecutors said Erika Santana, 23, drove the van with her four-year-old and five-month-old children inside after Hugo Lantigua, 22, who is the baby's father, and Pedro Camillo, 19, broke into two houses in the borough of Queens.

The story also states they had a loaded hand gun in the car with the kids. All I want to know is how do you NOT get a baby sitter? I mean come on! "Sorry, kids. We have to wait in the car while daddy steals from people. When he comes back we are gonna drive away real fast! It'll be fun!"
Note to Self: When committing crimes it is better to leave the kids at home and not have them in the getaway vehicle.
The title of Horrible Parent(s) of the month is shared with this mom:

Police: Mom ordered daughters out, drove off

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. - Usually, it's an empty threat: "If you kids don't stop fighting, I'm going to stop this car right now and leave you here!" But a mother from an upper-crust New York suburb went through with it, ordering her battling 10- and 12-year-old daughters out of her car in White Plains' business district and driving off, police said Tuesday.

Now what really bothers me is this:

She left them at Post Road and South Broadway, an area of shops and offices 3 miles from their home, then drove off, the police report said. The report does not say whether the girls had cell phones.

Police would not say if Primoff ever returned to look for the girls, but they said, without explaining how, that the 12-year-old eventually caught up with the mother. The 10-year-old was found by a "Good Samaritan" on the street, upset and emotional about losing her mother, police said.

OK. Hmmm... You leave them behind and just drive home. Apparently this family is so dysfunctional that the 2 girls did not stay together. So, the 12 year old ditches the 10 year old. How exactly did the 12 year old get home? What kind of parent abandons her 2 young daughters on the side of the street? In New York? Do you really blame the 10year old for being upset at this point? Ditched by her mom AND her sister... Nice.

Briccetti would not comment on details of the case. But he said, "Madlyn is a great mother connected with a great family, and she is grateful for the outpouring of support from friends and family."

Somehow, unless these are devil children... I think that whole statement is a LIE. Oh she is connected. To money. That's what that means. Let me translate, what he meant to say is this:
"If this was some poor middle class woman, CYF would have taken the kids already and it would be months before she even got a hearing. She is grateful that money can buy her way out of shit. And by the way, her kids are horrible spoiled brats because she raised them that way."

Note to self: One damn kid is enough trouble.

Stupid Hall of Fame

Scanning the news today and last night, I realized I have hit the mother load for examples of Stupid. For your amusement:

Woman calls 911 over lack of shrimp in fried rice

HALTOM CITY, Texas – A woman called 911 to report she didn't get as much shrimp as she wanted in her fried rice at a Texas restaurant.

Haltom City police on Tuesday released the taped emergency call, in which the customer is heard telling the dispatcher, "to get a police officer up here, what has to happen?"

To answer her question: "For someone to smack you upside the head for thinking this was worth calling 911 about."

Proof that sometimes it is better to stay home or let someone else drive. You know, someone who can actually DRIVE.

Motorist survives three accidents in an hour

The 69-year-old woman from Berlin first crashed into three cars while trying to pull out of a supermarket car park on the Baltic resort island of Usedom.

Then, she accidentally stepped on the accelerator and sped across a lawn before crashing into a nearby house, police said. She was taken to hospital in an ambulance but that vehicle was then hit by a truck.

I don't think she should be allowed our of the house with car keys in the future.
People in Berlin are just weird- Here is another story from there:

Thief nabbed with 68 tubes of toothpaste

BERLIN (Reuters) - Police in northern Germany are searching for a man who tried to walk out of a supermarket with 68 tubes of toothpaste stuffed into his clothing.

"We don't know if he had bad teeth," a police spokeswoman in Rostock said Friday.

Noticing his bulging jacket, a store worker grabbed the man when he refused to stop and the tubes of toothpaste spilled all over the floor, police said.

The thief struck the woman in the face and ran out.

Let me point out that "nabbed" usually means caught. This man... not caught. He was busted stealing the weirdest thing I have ever read about, but he got away. Maybe he was addicted to the toothpaste....
Other weird thefts:
Man pleads guilty to serial shrimp shoplifting

SALEM, N.H. - A Massachusetts man has pleaded guilty to being a serial shrimp shoplifter at a New Hampshire supermarket, but hasn't explained why he couldn't stay away from the frozen fish.

Why? Who knows. I hope he is eating it at least... Is there a black market for stolen shrimp?

Here is how to get fired instantly (or teach your boss to NEVER hit on you):
Oops! Employee flips, damages borrowed Ferrari

BOULDER CREEK, Calif. – The California Highway Patrol said a 23-year-old woman driving an expensive Ferrari owned by her boss flipped it after taking a curve too fast, causing an estimated $125,000 in damage. CHP Officer Elizabeth Addy said the woman escaped the crash Saturday without injury, but her boss was irate.

Note to self: Speeding in the boss's sports car like your on a racetrack is probably NOT the best idea. Especially if your not a RACE CAR Driver.
Here are your Crazy Rednecks of the Month (via MSNBC):

Police: Woman starts brawl at wake; Reportedly arrives with beer can in hand, refuses to leave

A sheriff's report claimed the woman with the beer became "passively aggressive" with deputies and said that "no backwood country cop" was going to take her to jail.

Need I say more? Really how "backwood country" is it to show up with beer at a church funeral?

Boy drives 1,300 miles to Texas rodeo grounds

JETERSVILLE, Va. - A 13-year-old Virginia boy apparently loaded his family's pickup truck with food, clothes and his dog, hitched up a trailer with two horses in tow and drove nearly 1,300 miles to Texas, police said. The teen's parents found him safe Friday.

Police are unsure why the boy ran away Wednesday morning from his Jetersville-area home. He apparently was well-prepared, even bringing extra propane tanks along.

Hmmm. Note to self, don't make promises to this kid and back out unless you are prepared to hide the car keys, cash, credit cards and car... or in this case: truck.

Finally the winner of the Idiot Of the Month award:

Man decides to clean with gasoline while smoking

CHILTON, Wis. – A man faces an arson charge after telling authorities he wasn't thinking when he decided to use gasoline for cleaning up his apartment, and then tossed a lit cigarette into a pile of gas-soaked cushions and clothes. A criminal complaint filed Monday quoted a 47-year-old man as saying he knew gasoline is flammable and never should have used it.

The complaint said that when the fire began Friday, he didn't pull the fire alarm but instead shouted "fire" a couple times and walked to the Menasha police department for an ambulance to take him to the hospital where he was treated for burns.

Firefighters said the blaze extensively damaged the apartment and caused heavy smoke damage throughout the building, putting tenants of 11 other units out of their homes.

Wasn't thinking? Isn't THAT the understatement of the damn year. And once the moron set the fire he apparently STILL wasn't thinking because he didn't even call 911 or pull the alarm!!! Here is concrete proof that some people should not be allowed to use precious resources like... AIR.

Ode to Idiots who fall for these hoaxes

In keeping with the April Fools theme here:
I hate stupid people. We all know that based on how I make fun of their stupidness.(yes I invented that word. I am allowed, its my blog.) Here are some stories and links to help you be less of a stupid person. Cause I hate getting these bogus warnings about gang violence at Wal-Mart stores in my email and on my damn phone.

MSNBC:
The joke's on you: Beware of Internet hoaxes

Read it. Or I'll send a pigeon after you by telling them you are a giant loaf of stale bread.

If you have a question about a "warning" you got in and email or text, for goodness sake... CHECK IT first. You can do that here:

www.Snopes.com
and here:
www.truthorfiction.com
and here:
urbanlegends.about.com

Advice from the MSNBC article:

These sites are simple to use and you can find out if the message is true or false in just seconds. Most have in-depth articles that explain the background of the myth. Please do this as a courtesy to everyone in your address book. If it’s not true you don’t want to forward it. (And look stupid- my words) Note: Some of these hoax e-mails now say the sender verified the information with Snopes. Don’t believe it. Check yourself. Trust no one. Verify.

P.S. As God as my witness, if I get ONE more "inspirational" email that ends with something along the line of : "send this to 1200 of your friends or your going to hell, you Satan worshiping bastard!" I am going to find that person and break a commandment. Damnit.

Stupid Hall of Fame

I thought this guy was so dumb, he deserve this award ALL to himself. Seriously, I can't MAKE this stuff up:

'Dumbest criminal' nabbed in cop convention holdup

HARRISBURG, Pa. – A retired police chief said he was robbed by "probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania," at a police officers' convention on Friday morning. John Comparetto said as he came out of a stall in the men's room, a man pointed a gun in his face and demanded money. There were 300 narcotics officers from Pennsylvania and Ohio at the gathering.

Comparetto gave up his money and cell phone. But when the man fled, Comparetto and some colleagues chased him. They arrested a 19-year-old man as he was trying to leave in a taxi.

The suspect is also awaiting trial on four previous robbery charges.

The suspect was arraigned and taken to Dauphin County Prison. When a reporter asked the suspect for comment as he was led out of court, he said, "I'm smooth."

Smooth? No. I think your so dumb and clueless that you are a waste of air. You srsly take the top prize of Idiot of the Month for March.

Of All the Ridiculous things....

From CNN:

Dalai Lama denied visa for South Africa peace conference

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa (CNN) -- South Africa has refused the Dalai Lama a visa to attend an international peace conference in Johannesburg this week, a presidential spokesman said.

The Dalai Lama fled China in 1959 after a failed uprising against Chinese rule.

The Tibetan spiritual leader and Nobel Laureate did not receive a visa because it was not in South Africa's interest for him to attend, said Thabo Masebe.

South Africa thinks that, if the Dalai Lama attended the conference, the focus would shift away from the 2010 World Cup -- the global soccer championship it will host next year.

In case you didn't get it, I'll dumb the dumb reason down further for you: The reason is simple. Having him here NOW will ruin their advertising campaign for the World Soccer Cup games in 2010.
WTF?