Thursday, August 26, 2010

Stupid Hall Of Fame: Wedding Edition

Welcome to the Wedding edition of Stupid Hall Of Fame. Courtesy of USA Today's Offbeat section. (msnbc moved all their shit around and now I can't find their weird news.)

All Aboard the WTF Train:::

Sometimes, if you have friends like these... you don't need enemies...

Wash. bride arrested for DUI on her wedding day 
BELLEVUE, Wash. (AP) — A 31-year-old bride heading home from her bachelorette party was arrested for drunken driving hours before she was to get married.

Washington State Patrol Trooper Christina Martin says the woman was driving over 90 mph Saturday morning and weaving in and out of traffic on Interstate 405 in Bellevue when she was stopped.
Ok... So... WHO are the BAD bridesmaids that let the bride DRIVE DRUNK from her bachelorette party. Lucky for her ass... she made it to the wedding... Srsly though? That is an #EPICFAIL of her bridal party...

Who was like "Eff her, she can find her own damn way home." How do you *not* have a designated driver for the damn bride? The NIGHT BEFORE the wedding? People still do that the night before? Who the HELL wants a hangover, little sleep and then get married the NEXT MORNING? I guess its the same Idiots who let the bride leave her own party PLASTERED.

Continuing with the wedding theme on the WTF train... Watch my head explode with confusion and amazement:

Pa. man gets drug case hearing, then wedding.
EASTON, Pa. (AP) — The bride wore a gray suit. The groom wore a prison jumpsuit — and handcuffs.

And a Pennsylvania judge was doing double-duty after having just handled proceedings in the groom's drug case.

Northampton County prison inmate Franklin Barndt and Takesha Piazza were married Friday after he tried to have evidence against him dismissed in a cocaine case. Defense attorney Gary Asteak said he hatched the idea after seeing Piazza in the courtroom.

Judge Leonard Zito said he had never gotten such a request before, but "we're a full-service court." And when Zito asked whether anyone knew any reason why the marriage shouldn't proceed, the three-year mandatory minimum sentence that Barndt faces if convicted didn't come up.
The pair even managed to exchange a kiss over the objections of prosecutor Michele Kluk.
I can't even BEGIN to make shit up this good. Bet the wedding photos RAWK. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear the story about how mommy got married to daddy and then 3 years later they actually got to see each other with out bars, plate glass and prison guards. What kind of anniversary presents will they exchange?
Money in his commissary account?
Home made his and her shanks??
Candle light dinners chaperoned by the Parole Officer?

Final stop on the WTF train is Tokyo. There is a 2 min video with this one if you follow the link...

I-Fairy robot weds Tokyo couple in tinny voice
The nuptials at this ceremony were led by "I-Fairy," a 4-foot tall seated robot with flashing eyes and plastic pigtails. Sunday's wedding was the first time a marriage had been led by a robot, according to manufacturer Kokoro Co.
Really... I'm tired of the whole "Lets {insert ridiculous idea here} for our wedding. It's {yawn} and over used. Its fine to be unique. Its another thing to have a $70,000 robot that requires a person to punch in the commands to marry you.
....Wires led out from beneath it to a black curtain a few feet away, where a man crouched and clicked commands into a computer.
 "It would be nice if the robot was a bit more clever, but she is very good at expressing herself," said new husband Tomohiro Shibata, 42, a professor of robotics at the Nara Institute of Science and Technology in central Japan.
The I-Fairy sells for about 6.3 million yen ($68,000) and three are in use in Singapore, the U.S. and Japan, according to company spokeswoman Kayako Kido. It has 18 degrees of motion in its arms, and mainly repeats preprogrammed movements and sounds.
HEY!! If you want clever? GET A HUMAN TO MARRY YOU. Come on! This stupid thing doesn't even stand on its own!! I can put a wreath of flowers on one of those damn idogs. It barks,  runs around,  fuckin rolls over... Its a lot cheaper and funnier to see a robot dog go nuts "marrying" a couple...

My brain hurts.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

7 things....

So first... Oops. I didn't realize it had been like 10 days since my last post.... Sorry about that. Life has been a bit busy.

I owe a reader a PAT rant... but that's not what this post will be about today. Soon. I promise. One of my favorite blogs inspired me the other day.... Now I am following thru with the comment I left saying I would blog my answer...

The other day BurghBaby wrote This Post: Celebrating Our Talents that was inspired by a blog she saw.

I have thought long an hard about 7 things I feel I excel at. And it is very true.... Somewhere along the way we stop being proud of our talents. Here are 7 things I am proud of about me.

#1. I am Self Taught. For years, I have built (rebuilt) my own PC's from scratch .  Starting w a memory upgrade to my first Packard bell when i was a freshman in college. No Formal Schooling. Everything I know about building pc's, I have taught myself. I asked a ton a of questions, did tons of research, made mistakes... (last upgrade my mistakes were admittedly cause it had been 5 yrs since the last build). I may not have always done it the "right way" but "Angie's Way" has never failed me yet. I know one reader who did have schooling for it that nearly died when he found out how I greased a processor.

#2. I am a good mother. Julia is behaved for a 3 1/2 YR old. She says please, thank you, kisses my boo-boo's when I have them... ( I'm good a being a klutz too) She is an outgoing, smart and sassy little girl. I would like to think that is because how much I love her. Sometimes she is still the mistress of destruction, but hell... what girl isn't every once in a while?

#3. I am an excellent singer. While I never got to do much w my voice after high school... I have never stopped singing. My range is not as big as it used to be, but its decent. (Ask the person who drove me home from HelloSAL and had to listen to me sing Fiona Apple's Criminal as loud as I drunkenly could) I was in a special program for 2 years in high school that required an audition to get in to. I sang at a wedding when I was in college too.

#4. I am Creative. I have written a full novel. I like to believe it is a good book. Some people who have read it gave me great feedback. I have half of one done that I might one day get time to finished. I but I wrote the whole story from scratch. Edited it 10,000 times. I am proud of that book. One day I will get it published.

#5. I am great friend and listener. I am not always ranting. I am there for my friends. Listening, giving advice when I can. Consoling or supportive when I cant. I try to always be there for my friends. I do my very best to be the kind of friend I want to have.

#6. I can RANT. Just ask the twitter friends of mine who met up with me at @pghrugbyangel's birthday party... Me ranting in writing is apparently just a taste of entertainment compared to me ranting out loud when I am pissed. That is probably because you get the inflection, and the written word has more thought than words just coming out of my mouth when I am venting...

#7. I can arrange me some furniture. It was a skill I acquired in high school when I needed to be in control of something. I laid the smack down on my bedroom more than a few times. No matter the size... i find a way to move it. Myself. Till this day, put me in a room and I will find a way to arrange it. Multiple ways. Usually in the middle of the night...

Now, there is my 7. Can you name 7 for yourself??

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Cause its been a while... WTF?

And the headline in the PG:

Woman wipes dirty diaper on car during traffic dispute

CONNELLSVILLE -- State police say a woman wiped a dirty diaper on the window of another woman's vehicle during a dispute in a traffic jam as both were leaving the Fayette County Fair.
I cant make shit up this good.
Is this like the new road rage??? You kill them with baby poop instead of bullets? Personally, I think baby poop should be considered a damn bio hazard/torture device/weapon of mass destruction. I have a 3 year old, I **know**. The day I didn't have to change a poop diaper/pull up was the happiest fuckin day of my LIFE.

So when they arrested her, and yes they did... exactly what charge do they use??? Personally, she should be charged with domestic terrorism for THAT...

Oh and this headline? I want to smack someone for. I disagree,

'Dora the Explorer' turns 10 ('diez') as model for pre-K girls

Dora the Explorer marks her 10th anniversary Sunday, but parents, teachers and pediatricians are the ones celebrating.
At a time when children's entertainment is dominated by princesses and fashion dolls, educators say Dora— which remains the top-rated preschool program on TV — has provided a rare, positive female role model for girls.

Ok. So I will tell you WHY I hate Dora. 
Someone gave Julia some Dora books. In one of them Dora is getting a MAIL TRUCK unstuck from the mud by putting stones under the tires and PUSHING IT. YES... a toddler push a f&%$ing mail truck!!! So guess who wants to push cars now? My kid, cause Dora does. I "lost" that book. {stab}

Don't get me started on the Wiggles. 

My final thought of the random evening:

This just in:: Ke$ha posed for a photo shoot in a garbage bag. And thought it was awesome... Proof that the bitch is white trash. I hate that the record industry gives untalented, computer enhanced people deals to make fake music that sucks so bad live that you wish you could spork yourself in the ears to stop the pain. BTW Mick Jagger is NOT hawt at the ripe age of 75 billion years old, Keeeesha. Get off the crack pipe and the Jack Daniels and you might SEE that. Stupid Bitch.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

A Day with out Epic Fail

[mom blog post w mini rant]
On Thursday, we made plans to go to North Park Pool... With friends of course. Funnel cakes were rumored to be found there so yeah... We were going. We were DARING the weather to not get nice by going... Damn it got really nice...  Julia LOVES water.... I went with @pghrugbyangel,  also @burghseyewife, @shellrenee and their boys, along with @aphotobug‘s son. The kids and the adult pools are enormous. I was stunned.

First I must say that I Giant-Red-Heart the Android OS and Google Navigation for getting my ass to North Park in the first place. (aka F you iphone)
I was supposed to follow my friends out there but my drive way was blocked:

And these men were making my head explode when they did this to my sidewalk:

Because they are preparing to tear down the house across the street.
Assholes better fix that shit right!


I get to NP and the place is damn empty. So its easy to find my friends. Julia plays in the kids pool for a bit but refuses to get in the big pool. "Jen says this is MY pool." She says referring to @burghseyewife's comment that Julia had the kids pool all to herself.
                    ---------> empty ass pool!
When @pghrugbyangel asks her, Julia goes right with her. To the Big Pool! Next thing I know Julia is diving off the ledge at her. It was adorable. When we tried to get her to go down the slide... There were about 14 thousand trips up and down those steps to the water slide. She would watch everyone else go. Chickening out every. single. time. I promised to catch her. Jen said she would catch her. Finally, I told her she was going or not at all. She looked at me and said "I want my new friend, Claire to catch me." 
The boys (what great kids they are) raced down the slide to go find her for me and tell her. 

Here is where I know my kid. She will love the slide if I can just get her ON it. When her new friend was waiting at the bottom, I pried Julia's hands off the railings and ignored her totally when she said she didn't want to go. And I MADE her. She LOVED it. As soon as her friend caught her, She said "I want to do it again!"

It was 3 more times she went down. The last time she came off the slide sideways (lol) and was done. She then proceeded to play in the kids pool, eat and try to drown her new friend later... LOL. After the others left, we finally made our way out via ice cream bribe. She did ask... when could she play with her new friends again....

Then, I got lost leaving, Google got me to RT 8, But seriously, Someone should tell Google that RT 28 should never be an option for travel unless the world is ending. Period. Even that wasn't that bad. We even made it to the Family Fest at Brookline park. Julia made crafts, jumped in the the blow up things they had and had loads of fun.

After lots of Epic Fail for me lately... There was no epic fail Thursday. It was wonderful.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

BP is STILL pissing me off

While being consumed Sunday by the sickness from hell that caught me by surprise.... I discovered new ways to hate BP. I laid in bed for many hours Saturday night into Sunday evening. With just the radio on. In my brief moments of clarity... I heard commercials.

The first one was a man talking candidly about owning BP stations and how he employs people in the community and thanking people for still using his stations despite BP being the biggest jagoff on the planet at the moment. Well, that last part? It was implied. ;-)

An I thought, "Oh, that's nice. A local business reaching out..."

Then later on, I swear to God, I heard an almost identical ad, this time from a woman. Saying almost the exact. same. thing. [stab]  My deduction is that BP sponsored these ads and they are completely "actor portrayed" or the owners were handed scripts and money and told to read as though their franchise license depended on it.

The final straw was an ad I heard this morning for Sanibel Island in Florida. After droning on about how terrible the spill is and how it is a travesty to tourism, They proceed to practically shout that there is no oil spill in Sanibel!!!!

It seemed to me like they were rubbing it in that their beaches were "pristine" (their words, not mine) and that it was the only place in Florida you could go now. Kinda like "Its terrible! (Ha-ha! Suckers! We are cashing in on this bitch) Oh, its so awful!!!" Totally insincere sounding. I wanted to punch the radio. Except it wasn't the radios fault such nonsense was coming out.

So I turned it off. And found a new level of disdain BP and all their "Safety Rules? What Safety rules? Its SO much cheaper to cut corners." Bull Shit. Assholes.