Thursday, August 26, 2010

Stupid Hall Of Fame: Wedding Edition

Welcome to the Wedding edition of Stupid Hall Of Fame. Courtesy of USA Today's Offbeat section. (msnbc moved all their shit around and now I can't find their weird news.)

All Aboard the WTF Train:::

Sometimes, if you have friends like these... you don't need enemies...

Wash. bride arrested for DUI on her wedding day 
BELLEVUE, Wash. (AP) — A 31-year-old bride heading home from her bachelorette party was arrested for drunken driving hours before she was to get married.

Washington State Patrol Trooper Christina Martin says the woman was driving over 90 mph Saturday morning and weaving in and out of traffic on Interstate 405 in Bellevue when she was stopped.
Ok... So... WHO are the BAD bridesmaids that let the bride DRIVE DRUNK from her bachelorette party. Lucky for her ass... she made it to the wedding... Srsly though? That is an #EPICFAIL of her bridal party...

Who was like "Eff her, she can find her own damn way home." How do you *not* have a designated driver for the damn bride? The NIGHT BEFORE the wedding? People still do that the night before? Who the HELL wants a hangover, little sleep and then get married the NEXT MORNING? I guess its the same Idiots who let the bride leave her own party PLASTERED.

Continuing with the wedding theme on the WTF train... Watch my head explode with confusion and amazement:

Pa. man gets drug case hearing, then wedding.
EASTON, Pa. (AP) — The bride wore a gray suit. The groom wore a prison jumpsuit — and handcuffs.

And a Pennsylvania judge was doing double-duty after having just handled proceedings in the groom's drug case.

Northampton County prison inmate Franklin Barndt and Takesha Piazza were married Friday after he tried to have evidence against him dismissed in a cocaine case. Defense attorney Gary Asteak said he hatched the idea after seeing Piazza in the courtroom.

Judge Leonard Zito said he had never gotten such a request before, but "we're a full-service court." And when Zito asked whether anyone knew any reason why the marriage shouldn't proceed, the three-year mandatory minimum sentence that Barndt faces if convicted didn't come up.
The pair even managed to exchange a kiss over the objections of prosecutor Michele Kluk.
I can't even BEGIN to make shit up this good. Bet the wedding photos RAWK. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear the story about how mommy got married to daddy and then 3 years later they actually got to see each other with out bars, plate glass and prison guards. What kind of anniversary presents will they exchange?
Money in his commissary account?
Home made his and her shanks??
Candle light dinners chaperoned by the Parole Officer?

Final stop on the WTF train is Tokyo. There is a 2 min video with this one if you follow the link...

I-Fairy robot weds Tokyo couple in tinny voice
The nuptials at this ceremony were led by "I-Fairy," a 4-foot tall seated robot with flashing eyes and plastic pigtails. Sunday's wedding was the first time a marriage had been led by a robot, according to manufacturer Kokoro Co.
Really... I'm tired of the whole "Lets {insert ridiculous idea here} for our wedding. It's {yawn} and over used. Its fine to be unique. Its another thing to have a $70,000 robot that requires a person to punch in the commands to marry you.
....Wires led out from beneath it to a black curtain a few feet away, where a man crouched and clicked commands into a computer.
 "It would be nice if the robot was a bit more clever, but she is very good at expressing herself," said new husband Tomohiro Shibata, 42, a professor of robotics at the Nara Institute of Science and Technology in central Japan.
The I-Fairy sells for about 6.3 million yen ($68,000) and three are in use in Singapore, the U.S. and Japan, according to company spokeswoman Kayako Kido. It has 18 degrees of motion in its arms, and mainly repeats preprogrammed movements and sounds.
HEY!! If you want clever? GET A HUMAN TO MARRY YOU. Come on! This stupid thing doesn't even stand on its own!! I can put a wreath of flowers on one of those damn idogs. It barks,  runs around,  fuckin rolls over... Its a lot cheaper and funnier to see a robot dog go nuts "marrying" a couple...

My brain hurts.

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