Friday, September 24, 2010

Thing that piss me off: Bug Edition

Let the word out.
If you are a bug, your ass is dead if you come near me. Especially if your a f&%$ing stink bug.
I am the bug assassin. If your a bug? "I keel you!!" (jeff dunham ref)

I have been ignoring the little bastards for like a week. I hate them. They are the creepiest f&%$ing bug I have ever seen. Last year I was stalked by one in my house. There was about 3 hanging out in my room at moms... We kept our distance. But they freak me out.
Well I noticed 4 in the bedroom at my house.
I noticed them because when I sent julia in there on a time out from teasing the dog, she laid in the bed, crying that were "scary bugs everywhere." I made her serve her time out on the chair in the living room. I never got to deal with them because the flash storm rolled in and knocked out power to half of the south hills area for like 12 hours.

Today, when I walked into that bedroom to close the open window because the air was on, I was STUNNED. I counted 13.
Oh. Hell. No.

This shit was ON now! I whipped out the vacuum, put the attachments on the hose and let out a battle cry. Well... I cursed at them a lot. As I sucked them up, I started enjoying the satisfying little "thwak" they made. Hehehe DIE bitches DIE.....

Anyway. That open window had a gap in the screen. When I pulled the mini blind up there was a f&%$ing parade of the effers heading to that gap in the screen. I think I muttered the words "I dont think so assholes." as I wacked the screen. And there was WAY more than 13 in the Bissel at this point. I stopped counting at 25 dead. I sucked every single one up. Behind the dresser (its in front of the window), the walls, the window sill... Then I covered the end of the hose to be sure they were all suffering a horrible suffocating death for terrorizing my kid. ( and me at night when I'm trying to sleep) I closed the window real tight and stalked the last couple that escaped the bedroom. I ran the sweeper on the carpet to add to their misery if any were still living.

I went to moms, and repeated the same process in my room... Discovering there was like 8 or so more. I am pretty sure by then I was shouting shit like "I am the assassin!" "F&%$ you bug." "DIE" "You can run but I will get you!!!" "Who is the bad ass bitch with the bissel??!!" "Let me hear your little screams!!"
I ran the sweeper on the carpet on 2 floors to ensure their miserable deaths. And I flushed one tonight that had snuck in to my bathroom to hide. I enjoyed the drowning. Bastards.

I killed almost 40 of those f&%$ers today. The catch? I have the same model bag-less bissel at both houses. And the containers will need emptied at some point....

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