The Things That Amuse Me

Now, for those who are unfamiliar with Twitter, you are generally supposed to read it from the bottom up. However, sometimes at work when its been a while since I checked it, I'm lazy. I jump to the top and scroll down. Scanning tweets. I frequently use "view conversation" to catch up if I happen to see something interesting as I'm scanning...

These were all  random conversations going on. Most of them are not between the people pictured. Just the words matter in these cases. I blocked out names since I'm not sure who is private and who isn't these days.

I giggle as I'm reading from the top down and see stuff like this:
(BTW, screenshots are the favorest feature ever on my phone.)

Things get lost a lot:

THE PANTS. They are missing.

Or there is a misunderstanding at the most basic level:

The old men? ALL CONFUSED.

When animals mix in:

EVERYBODY HURTS. Sometimes. Even Pandas.

When it comes to bras, this group of tweets are funny no matter what direction you read them in. LOL.

BRAS. In lots of places they should NEVER be.

This group? Well, you can read both images as one or separately...:

VINTAGE. In a way I never want to know.

WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS. I have none.

Finally. The screenshot that inspired this post:

LOVE. and Muppets.

It's not a bucket list, Mike.

There is no order to this list... It's just things I plan on doing. It's been almost a year since I updated my list. With my new shift giving me sundays off, I hope to actually have time to do some of these things. Julia, of course has her requests too lol.

Shit I wanna do: 2012 Edition

• Go to the Ocean (provided the gas price doesn't make it cost prohibitive)
• Go to see Falling Water or Falling Water AFTER DARK TOUR
• Go to Kennywood for phantom fright nights
• Heinz History Center
• The PGH Glass Center
• Visit PGH Popcorn
• Go to the Frick Art & Historical Center
• Sandcastle (been 17 yrs. Ahem)

Things I will do again:

• Phipps Conservatory
• Splash lagoon/erie
• Aviary
• Arts festival

More rants inspired by politics.

Good reads. SRSLY
http://twokidsandabeagle.blogspot.com/2012/02/on-why-birth-control-matters.html
http://redpenmamapgh.com/2012/02/17/thinking-aloud-the-fight-about-birth-control/
I love these ladies
I need them on my blog roll as soon as I get to a pc.

Politics can EFF off.

Seriously.

#AngryRant

I could never marry a politician because the first time he made some ass-hatted move regarding MY RIGHT to regulate MY BODY? I would punch him right in crotch and tell him him that if I catch him touching himself later, it was going to happen again. Since ALL these MEN in political office think they have the right to govern a woman's body, why can't we govern them? We should have a say in all of the way HIS reproductive system works, right??? Contrary to popular belief, women don't go on the pill so they can "whore it up" all over town. So what if they did, at least they are being responsible.

Oh I forgot, only men are allowed to plow anything that moves.
#Proof:

Friess told NBC's Andrea Mitchell on "Andrea Mitchell Reports":

This contraceptive thing, my gosh, it's so inexpensive. Back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn't that costly.

The obvious suggestion by Friess: that women should put an aspirin between their legs so they don’t open them.

Asshole. I would have called him that right on TV.  FINE ME. Please.

We are denying or flipping out over sex education... FOR WHAT? You NEED a drivers license to operate a Mother Effing CAR. Shouldn't you NEED to know HOW your body WORKS before you take IT out of the garage??!! for gawd sakes. There are BIRTH CONTROL HEARINGS IN 2012!!!

Gay people can't get married.... WHY NOT? THEY aren't the ones screwing up the "institution of marriage," WE ARE DOING IT ALL BY OURSELVES. Hell, it would help our mother effing economy if they could. AGAIN, WHY DOES IT MATTER IF THEY ARE GAY????? I am positive nobody EVER uttered the words "Well, if it wasn't for that gay couple that got married last year, I would still be with my wife."

All this political bullshit, over a PILL that helps hormonal balance. So, us here womens don't go all crazy like and not be able to make do for ourselves. Men, they needs to save us. #NutPunch

Nobody fucking cares that gas prices are almost $4 fucking dollars, that we work our asses off to keep from losing our jobs (which we have to drive further to find). While employers ship more jobs to china, where people work for pennies to build an $800 iPad so that Apple can make money to sue anyone who dares to innovate.
Nobody cares that our children in school are lacking the education desperately needed to compete in the WORLD markets these days.

I think there should be a new way.

I think that Political Jobs should pay no more than $35,000 a year.
Normal health insurance
401k similar to the average large employer.
No lifetime ANYTHING.
No campaign spending allowed.
None of this spend 8000 years in office. After 4 terms? DONE. MOVE ON. The same president can't be elected more than twice, neither should YOU.
Nobody over the age of 62. period. If you can get as seniors discount, you shouldn't be in office. Minimum age should be 21.

Of course, I didn't think of everything... But anything to get the old, ignorant, prejudiced, short sighted, greedy, corrupted, good ol boys club, assholes out of office works for me.

Now, I can go study. Cause even though I have these here boobs, I also possess brains cells that let me learn stuffs.

/End sarcastic pissed off rant

It's not the damned size.

I have noticed something over the last 6 months or so, and its gotten to a point where I need to bitch about it.
I'm going to talk about girl parts. Specifically? Breasts.
Oh. And boy parts too. (Since you started it.)
Look, I understand that as human beings, we are physically attracted to things. Some like to do the plastic surgery route, and I'm not saying a damn thing about it in this post, to be clear. To each his own. Some people like red heads. Some people like short women. Some people like tall men. Some people like iPhones.
That is NOT what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the need to criticize and be *nasty* about physical traits we were BORN WITH.
Like eye color, height and DUN DUN ...breast size.
Some are big. Some are small. But let's clear some shit up right now. We didn't stand in the boob line and pick the damn size.
Saying... "...But she has small (or big) boobs..." In a nasty, judgemental way is just fucked up. Ok? I have had guys tell me I'm too endowed and that it is "a waste." Conversely, I have had some of my friends discover that their ENTIRE character as a PERSON, is being judge because genetics didn't give them something bigger than what they have.
WTF. THIS HURTS MY BRAIN. So, your a bad person if your rack isn't some predetermined, bullshit size?
I'm looking at men AND WOMEN HERE. Which ? WTF ladies??! You know that you get what you get, unless you buy bigger.
MEN.
The next time I hear one you utter in that nasty tone, I'm going to demand to see what is in your damn pants. Then we will see how the judging goes.
KNOCK IT OFF.