Monday, December 28, 2009

Post Christmas Rant

Christmas Fail= Awesome.

Part 1 of Christmas Fail started with my family eating dinner before I even got off work and then pretending the COLD food has JUST been eaten. I'm not a moron people. When I state that "I get done work at 6," I don't mean, "serve dinner at 530." So, I had the wonderfully UNCOMFORTABLE moment of microwaving Christmas dinner and standing in the kitchen to eat cause there was not a damn place to sit down. THANKS!!

I am just happy the death threats had ceased by the time I got there even if it would have made this post WAY more entertaining.

Then Kodak proceeded to make me HATE them to death. (Proof of that is forthcoming)

Christmas Fail Continued with Tim getting an EXACT SAME gift that he got last year, that he has never even taken out of the box. In the person's defense, they may not be aware that it was purchased last year. Still... fail for other family members who didn't speak up.

Santa brought me a new Nikon. (Proof of that is forthcoming)

More Christmas Fail didn't occur until Part 4. That's when CSIL brought the Bitchmosphere (Yes, I made it up) to Christmas, by declaring that she was taking all the gifts back for 3 of her 5 grand kids because her oldest daughter felt bad at not buying presents for the other kids and didn't want to come.
Yeah.
That's right.
Punish the grand kids for their mother's shortcomings. AWESOME. Thankfully, she didn't actually do that because I might have had to say something (not nicely) about it.

All in all it wasn't a bad Christmas. There were just parts where I wanted to strangle someone. Tomorrow I will Post Why I hate My Kodak Camera. 2 posts in one night might give someone of you a heart attack.
:-)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Pre-Christmas Rant

(yay for a steelers win!! woohooo)

ANYWAY,
I hope that in 2 days I can take back everything I say now... but somehow I doubt it.

Recently I ranted about family members who continue to buy themselves stuff well into December, thwarting everyone else's attempts to get then Christmas gifts. It pisses me off.

Well my Christmas is celebrated in 4 parts over the 24th and 25th. (not in this order) At my house, my moms house, my dads house and his mom's house. This is because we just cant visit all these places in 1 day. It's not possible. (We tried. And my house its a bit too small to have EVERYONE come here.) Even more so now with a a nearly 3yr old child.

Sadly enough 1 of the 4 parts has become infamous for Christmas/Holiday Fail. Lost gifts, the completely wrong gifts, Clearly thoughtless gifts. (special edition Chinese checkers anyone??), non assembled gifts for small children who then burst out in tears when its taken away to put batteries in.... It doesn't matter, every year its something. And while I am hella excited to hear Julia say (again) "Thank you my present, I LOVE it!" I also quietly fear Christmas Fail because its the one time during the holiday that gets me srsly upset.

Also me and the Kodak are on non speaking terms because of its fuckin FAIL at taking a decent picture or even having the damn flash go off when it is supposed to. Also add to it, the new problem of it not holding a charge.. I am generally ready to kick it to the curb. So, who knows what kind of pics I will get out of this holiday. :-( I have been having more trouble with it lately and that translates to less pics of my Julia. (Though I don't take near as many as Burghbaby) Which leaves me rather pissed because this year Julia understands presents better even if the Santa Claus concept is still not being grasped yet.

I love the Kodak printers. HATE the Kodak cameras.... HATE.

Here is hoping there is NO Christmas Fail this year.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Who's Angry?

I saw this headline in the PG today:

Steelers trying to erase doubts

Really? How about not LOSING TO THE F&$%ING BROWNS!!?? I know that would go a long way towards erasing my doubts that the whole team caught varying degrees of "Pirates Syndrome." WTF is wrong with everyone? The BROWNS!?


I firmly believe this stops with the players. Hey guys? You DON'T GET PAID TO PLAY WORSE THAN THE BROWNS! I meant it! lately everyone has SUCKED. I can't even point out 1 failure because I would be here all NIGHT pointing out the bullshit. That is twice we won a superbowl and twice we have been hideous the following season. That isn't Tomlin's fault.

How about the 27 steelers with TV, radio, Internet, print media, CB radio, podcast, Morse code, and drunk jailhouse shows and appearances focus more on PLAYING and less on f&%$ing around in the spotlight. SRSLY. If you people would spend less time in the media, maybe you wouldn't SUCK so bad on the field. GAWD.
The motivation for the players this week comes in different forms.

"Play for pride"
"Play for the fans"
"Play for your family."

How about playing for the million dollar contracts you f&%$ing signed??? HUH??!! That's not motivation enough?

How about NOT letting the quarterback get sacked 8000 times a game?
How about the quarterback lose some fucking weight and get back it the shape you were in 2 yrs ago?
How about NOT letting opponents run kickoff and punts past the f&%$ing 30 yard line?

How about playing like you give a shit?

Assholes.

Monday, December 7, 2009

A Little Christmas Bitching

I want to say I love Christmas. Not the cold and snow shit so much, but the lights and gift giving shit? I love. I love finding that perfect gift for someone, whether I am shopping on amazon.com (love ya) or my other favoritest store, Target (Yes, I know favoritest is not a word. It's my blog. I can say what I want.) I love sneaking out at 9pm and shopping during the extended hours cause I can get always get a close spot in the lot. I love hearing Julia in the back seat talking about how all the "pretty lights are wonderful, Mommy!!" It makes me happy.

But it seems that there is always one damn person who has to suck the FUN out of Christmas for me every year. This year it is Family Member A. (aka FMA) FMA buys themselves EVERYTHING. They have apparently never heard of the November Rule. (This rule states that as of Nov 1, you don't make any purchases for yourself without approval so that people can buy you stuff for the holidays) It seems simple enough right? WAIT a few weeks for non urgent items and someone ELSE will BUY it for YOU. Right????

FMA has this horrible habit of breaking the rule, EVERY YEAR. Going so far as to BUY the present themselves (!!) to make sure they would get it one year. After getting a reasonable idea for FMA who has EVERYTHING... We find out FMA went and bought the item Thursday night (!!!) and we were going shopping on Friday! December 3rd. FMA is buying themselves stuff December f&%$ing 3rd!!!

Dear FMA: STOP IT.

I was so pissed that FMA almost did not get a damn present this year.

Then you have the family members who wont give you ideas for themselves (or their kids) and you have to just guess what they might like or don't have already. FUN. It's especially helpful for those people you don't see and talk to on like a weekly basis. Makes you want to spork someone.

Almost as bad, are the ideas so vague that the person might as well have grunted at you.

"Sweaters." OK. What kind? What colors? What style? Personally, I detest turtle neck sweaters. DETEST. Unless you ask me, I don't run around professing my hate for clothing wrapped around my neck. I never ask for clothes. Cause I know I am picky. Hella picky.

"Perfume." Again... What brand? What kind of scent? Full strength? Watered down? Again, I am the kind of person who's body chemistry can destroy the scent of perfume the second it hits my skin. So, I have 2 maybe 3 scents I know I can wear and not smell hideous.

My absolute favorites are the lists that read like its from a rich kid in Fox Chapel:

What I want for Christmas:

A Treadmill.....


WHAT? A treadmill? Where the f*&% are you putting a $4000 piece of equipment? Who do you think is buying you THAT? SRSLY?

To end on a nicer note:
So, when I went shopping Friday I very annoyed and I was trying to live up to the "Bitch Train" Status on Blackberry Messenger. I was going to take all those people that pissed me off and just get some random gift cards and be done with it. Why put effort in to it when they are not making an effort? Gift cards are wonderful, I ask for them alot. But at least I ASKED for specific kinds of gift cards.

It was a nice, but exhausting day. Daytime shopping at the Mt Nebo/Camp Horne Rd Target rocked. The place wasn't hideously crowded, we found some very good deals and I got a ton of shopping done for almost the whole 20+ person list. The side note, is that I really wanted people to have something to open this year. Turns out, I changed my mind and bought them stuff, going out on a bit of a limb and I have to hope they like what I got them.

Bitch Train or not, I couldn't stay in that mood. I had fun picking out toys for the little ones on the list, including Julia. Christmas shopping CAN be fun. As long as you aren't going to the G20 Summit (aka Walmart on Black Friday) to do it.

:-)

PS I'm trying to post more. I promise.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

For your reading pleasure....A Classic Rant

I've decided that since CSIL has been causing drama around here lately, I would dust off an old rant I wrote before the existence of this blog... Its from April 2008 I was very angry the day I wrote this. It's long.... but funny.

BTW, all curse words are in play. I'm to lazy to change a damn thing

April 2008
Let me preface this rant by saying this. She is a drama queen. She is the queen of the drama queens. Drama Queens aspire to be this good. And today she stunk like a rum bottle. For the rest of this rant she will be called Crazy Ass Sister In Law or CSIL

So, the crazy ass sister in law called a "family meeting" this week. I thought to myself. "great. what have we (or anyone) done to her this time." HA! Little did I know what was in store.... I leave straight from work to go there. My husband picks me up from the bus stop. Everyone is there except her. We wait. For 40 minutes until she shows up. Remember ladies and gentlemen, CSIL *called* for this fucking thing. And she is staggering! (WHOOO!!) She is half crying already. I am thinking. "OK maybe she is sick" Oh, how that was an understatement of the century.

She starts directing people to stand or sit in a particular spot. She says: "Your all going to think I am crazy, and I don’t know if Dad has come to you, but he has come to me for the last month and he has messages for all of you." An I thought (in the words of the great Lewis Black) "WHAT the Fuck!?"

She now proceeds to say she will speak but it won’t her speaking (who the fuck is talking then??) and when its done we all have to go to the living room and she won’t remember this. (Of course not, that's why it’s called black out drunk) I am standing here wondering what episode of punk’d I walked into and how do I get out.

She starts the.... "channeling" of her dead (for over a year) father. (Are you fucking kidding me?) His "messages" to her 2 kids are things a mother should have been teaching her daughters years ago. Daughter 1 doesn’t want to go stand next to her mother because she has just realized that her mother is a fucking mental case. CSIL commands her: "He is getting angry, come over here." (WAIT! The enlightened, heavenly ghost of father past is getting pissed cause she doesn’t want to stand in a certain spot??!!!!) I don’t make it to the second kid. I am ready to bust out laughing at this absurd charade, so I leave the room and go to the (final destination) living room to play with my kid, who I haven’t seen all day.

This load of crap goes on for an hour! AN HOUR! She spends no more than 10 min giving "messages" to her own kids that she can’t get along with cause she needs PROZAC! Then I am commanded to bring Julia to the undead one so that she can give my husband his message of bullshit.

And yes, it is total BULLSHIT. (TV Psychics do better than this crap) He is sorry to have had such a short time with my daughter before he died. (Listen bitch, he has alot of other shit he needs to be sorry for and that’s not it) He wants my husband to stay on the path to recovery. (MS IS NOT CURABLE YOU MORON!) This is all the wisdom to be imparted on us because apparently she didn’t rehearse this part as much. (5 minutes. He is coming back from the dead and this is IT!?) I take my kid and leave the room before I back-hand her in the head.

At this point, I miss the messages for the other 2 brothers, because there are 3 kids under 3 years old in the (final destination) living room, that not a single person is paying attention to. 1 is mine. When I was able to get back to the doorway, I listen for the next 25 minutes about her. CSIL is referring to her self in the 3rd person and pretending to be in a trance. (A fucking trance... I can’t stand it.)

(Remember this is the undead one talking THRU HER) CSIL goes on to talk about herself, first saying she has no friends and can’t make friends because the undead one checked on her too much as a teenager, he is so sorry. (HEY my stepfather STALKED ME in high school, and I was a good kid! But I have no trouble making friends!) Later she contradicts the earlier statement by claiming the undead one is sorry for paying more attention to his biological sons and apparently this is why she doesn’t have friends. (WHAT?) She doesn’t know her bio-dad, she feels he rejected her (BOO fucking HOO. She never met the guy. EVER. My husband's father had always been there.) Then the undead one says "now she feels rejected because I left too" (WHAT? He died! I am sorry, how is his dying of a heart attack a rejection of her!!)

My brain is starting to feel like its gonna explode as the CSIL begins to unknowingly reveal that this is all a ploy to manipulate us in to feeling guilty or pity or something for her. I am just pissed off. His dying was not about her! And nothing she says is new information. There is not one single thing that is an intimate detail to make me believe that she had been talking to her dead father for a month. (That is just how long it took to practice the fake seance and plan) At one point the undead father (she) starts complaining that his ashes are still in the house. (Really? SRSLY? He cares that much about it?)

I can see on their faces that nobody is buying this thing anymore. At least I hope not anyway. Not after a 25 minute "message" about how hard her life is on her (anti-social ass) and how we need to love her (or something). My husband writes "crazy" on a mini Magna-doodle. I have to leave. I am literally at the point that if we don’t leave, I am going to cause serious trouble. Thankfully, Julia has had enough and we get the fuck out of there as its wrapping up (I missed the end cause I needed a potty break.)

Apparently, the undead one commanded CSIL to go in to the (final destination) living room and lay on the sofa where he died and do.... something. I think she passed out. And daughter 1 says "what are we supposed to do with her now?" (GOOD FUCKING QUESTION!!)

I spent the rest of the evening ranting about this crap, because holding it all in for an hour was a lot of FUCKING work. I have some Prozac left over from my post-baby depression. I think I should give the happy pills to her. (Here, take 2!!) She needs help. WHY oh WHY, would the undead father not "talk" to his wife he "loved so much" ?!!? She would be the more likely person. I mean, if I am gonna haunt someone cause I need to get a message across, I am gonna pick my sister or mom or my husband over anyone else. srsly.

To use a dead relative to manipulate people, complain and try to boss people around by telling them what you think they should be doing, is just fuckin ignorant. And rude. And WRONG. It makes me so so pissed off. Write a letter, talk to your mother in private, talk to a mental health professional, but don’t pretend you can channel dead spirits and ruin my afternoon by wasting my time as well as everyone else involved. Fuckin crazy ass....