Open heart, insert knife.

I spent 3 hours after work, looking. Driving around, asking random people. There was no sign of them anywhere that Julia had been today. I even asked Julia. But at 2 1/2 years old she could only answer me back with my own question or say "I don't know." It had been too long and we missed the window of time where she could "go find it" now. What's missing you ask? Well, i have to explain from the top. When Julia was born we bought her a Snuggle.

This is Original Snuggle and NEVER EVER leaves our house.

I read in my "what to expect:toddler years" book, That you should have 2. An exact duplicate back up in case shit happens. So, a little more than a year ago, I decided that was a smart idea. However, when I went back to Target, they did not have an exact match- it was out of stock at the time. So, I bought what became known as "other snuggle" Julia began sleeping with both of them. I figured she had to get used to it since it wasn't a match, in case it ever had to fill in.

Around 9 months ago Julia got really into a farm book that had piggies in it. Oh, how she loves all things piggies. On a whim, I saw a beanie baby one in Rite Aid downtown and bought it for her. Piggie became a bedtime regular immediately. Other Snuggle became the traveler, going with Julia on overnight trips as well as nights at home. When home, she had to have all three to go to bed. Who am i to argue right?

For her 2nd birthday, I bought her a musical lamb:

Julia loved Lamb and it also became a bedtime requirement. I named them "the posse" : 2 snuggles, piggie and lamb. It was hilarious watching her with full arms carry all of them up and down the steps at once. We had to kiss, hug and tuck in all of them for "night-nights" with her in her bed. Ironically, 2 weeks ago, she asked me take pictures of them with my cell phone. They are her bedtime posse and she loves them all, I don't dare send her to bed with out all of them.

Except tonight.

Today. Other Snuggles and Piggie vanished.

Vanished while they were out on a road trip at another family member's house.

We went to target, searching for replacements. What is now known as New Snuggle- is totally not like either of the other 2. New snuggle seems to be cool with her. The piggy? well, its a pig. She liked it, not enough to take to bed though.

I knew what was coming. She wasn't upset earlier. But she wasn't on her way to bed either. There is still a dull ache in my chest. It was way worse earlier today. I put off bedtime. Letting her wait till the worst hockey game on the planet was almost over before sending her to bathe. I left her play in the tub till almost 11pm. I didn't take her up till 1120 or so.... I tried to slip a doggy in. I thought I was successful.

Till the lights went out.

She started asking. "where piggie?" "mommy, where piggie?"

"I don't know, Julia" "here is doggie, sleep with doggie tonight"

"you hold doggie"

Then, came then knife. Thank god it was dark. She spoke in a very quiet and pleading tone.

"please mommy, where piggie?" "Pretty please mommy. Can i have a piggie?" "mommy, please find piggie" "please?" "Pretty please get piggie mommy"

That was it. I lost it. Lost my composure.

Julia was so shocked at my outburst, she stopped asking about piggie and told me "don't cry" a few times. I told her I was sorry. I would buy her a new one. It was my fault it was missing. I calmed down so that she wouldn't start crying too. In a few min she fell asleep holding just the snuggles while laying against me. I left her room and went right to the computer and to TY's website. The price of never hearing that pleading again?

1 Sniffs - Beanie Baby 2.0: Item Price - $4.99
Shipping & Handling - $11.05
Grand Total - $16.04. It's worth every. single. penny.

It won't get here fast enough for me. I still have at least 2-3 nights of torture ahead of me.

Missing Stuffed Animal Report: Lost in Brentwood, (Pittsburgh) PA

1 beanie baby "Piggie" and 1 "other snuggles" If you have seen them- please let me know.