Idiot Adventures In Parking

I was at Sam's club the other day when I saw parking retardness at its best. (Yes, I made that word up, it's my blog.)

This is how *this* Handicapped space should be used:

This is How NOT to use it:
The Buick on the right there with the door open? It was halfway out into the aisle. You could NOT drive around it. Realistically, there was plenty of room either side of the stupid Cavalier for that moron to park and not BLOCK the f&%$ing road. That's a van accessible space. It's f&%$ing HUGE.

And to the driver of the Cavalier- HELLO if you couldn't see the f&%$ing lines then you shouldn't be driving. At least have enough brains to re-park your car when you realized just how bad you f&%$ed up that parking job.

Then I spotted this gem of an idiot on the way out of Sam's Club:

Right outside the exit door. There is a HUGE BAY on the right of this picture where this moron could have parked, instead of 10 feet from the exit where I almost walking into your f&%$ing car. If you needed and handicapped spot:

SEE PLENTY OF SPOTS- just in the aisle we were parked in. And, as you can see the bay was empty too. I hate bad drivers. I hate idiot drivers. And finally, proof that they are everywhere and come in all ages:
This idiot was half on the regular driveway and half on the gravel extension. And he almost fell while getting out of his car.

Moron.

Choices..... (A semi serious post)

So... I may have 2 possible choices ahead of me. I became unemployed back at the end of July. The "Why" doesn't matter. But I may have 2 job offers on the table and I might have to choose between them. I am getting unemployment so I have a little luxury of not NEEDING an immediate job. But still needing one.

The economy still generally sucks, all the 8-5 jobs are impossibly hard to find and since I lack a degree, I am generally screwed despite my ability and skills. The other thing that annoys me is that employers seem to want Harvard Quality Customer Service reps and only want to pay High School drop out prices. I had to turn down 1 offer and a couple interview requests simply because their base rate was absurdly low.

Seriously- Employers, when you look at my monster profile and my resume- that field called SALARY RANGE- its not a joke. I am not kidding. Don't call me with an offer $2-3 less than that. Please. And where it says type of work- I really mean FULL TIME and I really mean PERMANENT. Don't call me with a 3 month contract. If I wanted contract work, I would have selected that option. SRSLY. So, all that time I spent filling all that shit out on monster, why don't you take 5 freaking minutes to READ IT.

Anyway.

Job A is a lock.
I may have to work nights -till 11pm in downtown and at least 1 day every weekend. Job A is not being forth coming about my schedule, or other benefits because I have to go thru a STUPID temp agency to get it. Its a pay cut. I'd still have to pay for a $75 bus pass, worry about bus schedule and fare changes, the fact that it takes an hour to get to and from town on a bus when I live in freaking Brookline. Let's not forget $400 for cobra insurance for at least 90 days. If I take Job A, I could move up to a daylight shift, but possibly still have to work weekends and holidays. Who knows how long it would take to achieve the pay rate I had previously.

I interviewed for Job B today, and I go back Monday for interview 3. IF, IF I am offered Job B, I have a choice I have to make.

Job B is still a maybe.
Job B is not even in an industry that I have worked in before. Job B told me I would sure as hell be working nights till 11. I would probably start off on weekends too. I would surely work holidays. But then they followed it up with this: Health ins immediately, pay is starting at almost the exact same rate I had, 2 weeks vacation after 6 months, annual raises & performance bonuses, shift differentials and growth opportunities. The down side is I have a 2 yr old and working nights for a year would suck. But seniority shift bidding means I could eventually get off the night shift. I hope. They are also in Cranberry, about 45 min away with no traffic, with traffic probably an hour. No bus pass here, but more in gas. It was suggested I may find someone nearby to car pool with after training. It would also not be $400 a month to insure my family.

Job A & B both have good and bad points. If I have to chose between them, I am going to have to figure out what trade offs I can live with. Of course if Job B declines to offer me a position, this is all moot.

Retire? Who said I was retiring?

So Mr. "I need a dictionary to learn the meaning of RETIRE" played his first game. Let's look and see how it went:

Off-target Favre debuts for Vikes, who beat Chiefs

Cheered loudly by the same fans who used to loathe him when he played for
Green Bay, Favre played two series and went 1 for 4 for a whopping 4 yards. He
moved around all right and his passes had zip, just no direction.

Well, when you FAKE retire for the last 3 years so you can miss TRAINING CAMP, that tends to happen.

His first pass was off target.... Favre was off the mark twice more on the next
possession, misfiring toward Jaymar Johnson after an apparent route
miscommunication and then chucking one out of everyone's reach on the pressure
by Mays. The holder of every major NFL career passing record knows this version
of the West Coast offense well, but it will take the Vikings time to get in a
groove with the new guy.

Really? Well Training camp helps with that shit too. How many weeks will you suck while all your new team mates were busting ass in training camp, Hmmm?

BTW:: Pronounce your name right for goodness sake its not FAR-ve. What language pronounces a letter BEFORE it appears in the word? Tell me please. Cause until I get a reasonable explanation...
Its FAV-re.

What the Hell...???

This is all totally random shit today... Enjoy.

I saw this gem of a comment on someones facebook status today:

"wat ur landlord do to u"

OK. WHAT? Lets dissect this stupidness. First, you can write out the WHOLE word "landlord," But the H in "what" was too much of a f&%$ing stretch to type out? I can almost live with the "u" and some other minor text slang, like srsly... but I have seen "wat" in text messages, facebook status and twitter. And I just want to punch someone in the head every.single.time.

"....Dont keep them in the dark, until something else cums along... i dnt care wat the history is. if its ova, its ova leave it be....."

See???!!! AAAHHHH!!!!
It's in a facebook status that can be long as hell!!! There is the f&%$ing "wat" again!! "Cums"? Really? Was that easier than "Comes" 1 extra letter an 1 correct letter was too much? I can't even get started on the "ova" or my brain might explode. It's "OVER" damn it!!! O.V.E.R.

On to Strange Sightings...

In case you can't tell... There is 10 speed bike on TOP of this 10 foot high Hummer.

WHY?
Was there NO room left inside for the f&%$ing bike after you put the ladder inside it that you needed to get the bike ON TOP of the hummer? SRSLY!!! H1's seat what? 14? You really could not get it in there? It's a damn Ladies 10 speed! Not even a mountain bike! Jez. You could put a quad in the back and still have room to put the bike inside. I know there wasn't 14 people in that stupid thing cause there would be more than ONE bike on top of it.

Finally:

The winner of the Dumbass Criminal of the Month goes to this MORON:

(Thank you MSNBC)

FBI: Man gives teller ID before robbing bank
Thief in Alaska asks for his balance, then demands cash and flees

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A 34-year-old man [Jarell Paul Arnold of Anchorage] is
in custody after authorities say he gave a teller his account number and showed
her his picture ID before robbing an Anchorage bank.

I seriously can't make this shit up. What a moron.

Stubborn 2yr olds....

So, Saturday I was invited to a little thing at BurghBaby's Awesome new house. Yes, it is totally awesome. I baked some fresh zucchini bread, and after the kid took a nap, we (husband, kid and I) ventured out to her new place.

I confess I was nervous. These were mostly (I think) people I talk to on twitter, and I had never met anyone of them face to face. And I was bringing the Mistress of Destruction with me. Yeah. Nervous.

If adorable Alexis ever had a polar opposite - it was Julia on Saturday. Alexis seemed shy from all the people and kids. Julia, however, did not care. she dived right in to the play room with several other kids since we were the last to arrive. Tim settled in to keep an eye on her in the play room while I tried socialize. Its a little like being the new kid, striking up the conversation is the hardest part. I ventured downstairs and helped with peeling pizza dough off the wax paper (I held) and made small talk.
Not long after Julia came bursting out of the back door, my husband sends me a text "I cant find our kid" LOL. She played "park" and (sorta) with other kids.

But I know her. She finds trouble. It should be her middle name. My mom called me once to check on the splinter from hell situation, and i jinxed it all by saying julia was being pretty good...

I shadowed her the rest of the evening worried she would do something awful to BurghBaby's awesome house. Once she tried to go wandering around their 2nd floor. She climbed onto a water table (no water) and stuck her head through the kids sized basketball hoop. Twice. I am pretty sure she is partly responsible for the bomb that went off in the playroom.

The 2 worst moments of the evening went like this--
Moment # 1 was when she spotted the trampoline in the next yard. I had to chase after her and retrieve her from the damn thing. Immediately she brought out the child psych warfare. (It worked on her daddy in the dr's office once and this was the 3rd time recently she did this to me.) Julia began screaming stuff like: "ouch, it hurts, your hurting me" etc and crying. Loudly. All I was doing was herding her up the damn hill side. :-( I don't even want to think everyone there thought I was hurting her. But I pleaded silently for her to just go back to the party and she eventually did.

Later she discovered the trike in the basement and by the time I convinced her to come upstairs, everyone but 1 person had left. (of course) Finally at 9 came the 2nd moment. I had to make her leave. She wanted to be Alexis's new best friend and I don't think Alexis was feeling that at 9pm. I forewarned everyone still there. I knew what she would do. There is NOTHING I can do to stop it, but be MORE stubborn than her. (Just like the going to sleep in her bed thing. I won that round tonight, but that is another post)

Moment # 2 was when I forced her to leave. Practically tackling her, and picking her up and she screamed and cried right up to with in inches of the front door. I let her open the door. Then she left normally and we got in the car with out further incident. How is it, that ALL the other kids left with out a fight and my kid has to make a SCENE!!??

So, I am truly sorry for my little terrorist. I hope that I'll be invited back again despite my crazy ass kid. Next time, I'll wear a name tag that says "My twitter name is rantpittsburgh" on it.

Songs (and singers) That Piss Me Off: Part 2

I did it again, I listened to the stupid radio today. And some shit pissed me off....

• Katy Perry. I hate your "I kissed a girl" song (because little girls were singing it and should not have been) and I hate your "Vegas" song(cause i heard how bad you sound singing it live). I have heard it 4 times today while making zucchini bread (B94, HELLO? your play list needs to be BIGGER) and I have *hated* it all 4 times.

• Any song with the words "disco stick" Really Lady Gaga? Was that the BEST dick metaphor you could come up with? My sister wants to spork you in the eye every time she hears one of your songs. BTW- your outfits are stupid.

• Any song that the singer's voice is synthesized through the *whole* song. What that says to me is that your singing is SO BAD that the only way it can be marketable is by completely changing it. Remixing won't even help your sorry ass like it does Brittany and Katy. American Idol contestants that were in the top 24, sing better than you. Yes, better than Brittany and Katy too.

• Any song called "Parton Tequila" with words like are "Imma have you drunk and throwing up..." or "Who wanna get fucked up" You know what ladies? It's called Alcoholics Anonymous. TRY IT. Sobering up will really go a long way towards helping you think of MORE WORDS and REAL SENTENCES. All that song is really about is how you ended up in a girls gone wild video or in web porn doing [insert vulgar terminology here]. I don't care how pretty your are, when you sing that song - you are all LOSERS.

Everyone make note of that?

Football? Where? Where!!!!????

So, now that I have been in a sports withdrawal sine the Pens won the Cup, (that's right pirates- minor league baseball DOESN'T count) I am excited to start football!!! Go Steelers!!! I am pulling out the Steeler purse i bought last year, cycling in the Steeler charm to give the Pens charm a rest, (tomorrow hopefully) trekking to Target for Steeler Clothing for Julia (she out grew everything we had here) before the game starts....

Yes. I am well aware it is technically Thursday already (WOOO) But in my calendar, its not Thursday till I go to bed for the night and wake up in the morning. So, there!

I am a huge Steeler Fan, but I don't start hard core following until the first preseason game. Why? Well cause nothing in training camp really matters. Its all about what you do ON THE FIELD. That's when it counts. If we play a shitty game this season, expect to see a rant about it here. I love my team, but I'll tell them when they are being stupid even if nobody reads it.

I am not like the ASSHOLES in Philly who make up bullshit stories about "shooting parties."
It was 3 years ago!! I have seen all the original pics. Philly Newspapers need to learn to actually CHECK their facts first. Whatever. It all really comes down to one thing though.
The Eagles SUCK.
How many Superbowl Trophy's do you have, huh? How many have the City of Losers won? I cant f&%$ing HEAR you? Oh that's Right!!!! 0 NONE ZIP NADA

So, Shut the hell up.

Losers.

Gamblers are so dumb

So, I am watching KDKA NOON news today and the casino reporter says ::

"We tried to interview people for our story and they kept hiding from us. When we were finally able to ask them why, they said they called off work and were avoiding their bosses!"

HELLO! Dumb asses!! The CASINO IS OPEN 24 F&%$ING HOURS A DAY. You can go AFTER WORK. It will still be there. I know what a f&%$ing concept- going somewhere after work. I never gamble (losing money pisses me off since i don't have money to piss away like it's nothing.) and even I know its open 24 hours. Have you never seen the show Las Vegas?

I hope you don't win a f&%$in thing for being that dumb.

And for the people who did interview. Listen, If you don't like the machine cause its newer than the "ones at the meadows...." Then GET OFF YOUR ASS and drive to the meadows and play. Quit bitching about how your losing all your money and you don't like the machines if your going to keep dumping money IN THE damn machine!!!

BTW, The purpose of a casino is to TAKE YOUR MONEY. Not for you to win it all. Don't forget that. Sometimes you'll win, but odds are, most of the time you will LOSE.

The Pirates are sooooo bad that...

The pirates are sooooo bad that....

A fan tried to off himself at the game when it became clear he wasn't at a PROFESSIONAL Baseball game.

OK. So, that's not the USA Today real headline. But it should be.

The ball did not strike him, but the fan lost his balance as he leaned far over the railing — which is about 3 feet high — and he landed face-first onto the mostly clay track that rings the field. Trainers for both teams immediately rushed to help before several doctors were summoned. The fan, who appeared to be in his 50s but was not immediately identified, was conscious and responsive while being taken off the field on a stretcher, according to the Pirates.

Yeah, Fan, you keep telling that story. We, in Pittsburgh, ALL know this headline is the real reason you took that dive:

Pirates' fundamentals 'embarrassing' in defeat

Here is, perhaps, the most frightening part for these Pirates: The season does not end until the fourth of October.

Two months.

And, if they do not improve quickly -- and dramatically -- on their abysmal showing in the 11-6, 12-inning loss to Arizona last night before 17,311 audibly groaning fans at PNC Park, that will feel more like two years.

"Embarrassing," one everyday player called it, among a few other choice words.

Hell yeah it is. But when you've nothing left but Farm Team talent, what does everyone expect. They are taking SUCK to a new level I have never witnessed before. SRSLY. I am thinking that Andrew McCutchen will be traded next year. We cant have that kind of good talent on our Farm Team.

I want to blog about other stuff. I really have been looking. But I am haunted by the Pirate Suck going on. There is just nothing out there i can flip out about. Steelers are starting, but all that rant is Jane Pitt's territory. She does it best. Oh well. Pirtate Bitching continues.

BTW, I F*&%ing HATE The PBC Management. You Suck.

Sorry....

I wanted to say sorry to all my faithful 30-some readers. I just haven't had it in me recently.
I had unexpected upheaval in my work life that left me with out a job and very necessary health insurance. (BTW- F*&% You Former Employer.)
My kid went temporarily insane for 2 weeks, probably due to my stress.
I had to rewrite my resume. twice. (thank you to my bestest friend for helping me the 2nd time)
And I had to look for a new job with my temporarily insane kid practically attached to me.

*sigh* Rough.

So, the good news, I quickly found a job that starts in Sept (it sucks that its a pay cut but it is a hell of alot better than NO job), turns out Obama made my cobra premiums for insurance affordable, and my kid has mostly stopped acting insane. Mostly. I still have to make it through this month, and I will. So, I am going to hit MSNBC next and see if there is any good shit to make fun of.

Let's face it. You guys miss the funny shit right? I thought so. :-)